... how do you find the motivation and the courage to transition anyway even though you know that you will always be visibly 'trans' ?In fact, how do you find the motivation and the courage to even continue living knowing that you'll never have the privilege of blending into a crowd; that people will hate you for simply being; that it is highly unlikely that you will never find a partner; that if you're harassed at work there's nothing you can do about it because your boss knows that you know it will be difficult to find another position? How can you trust your so called 'friends' really are your friends and not just with you because your failings in life make them feel better about themselves? How do you console yourself when all you see ahead of you is a lifetime of loneliness? How do you block it all out, the world full of cis people leading normal lives? Even the trans people who do pass and can lead normal and happy lives because I can't bear it much more.
How do you know that you will never pass? I never thought I would but here I am now and while I know I don't look the best I get called Miss every once in a while. I know what you mean about the loneliness and friends. I feel the few I have only talk to me because the friendship is kind of forced, or perhaps out of pity. Do you know of any LGBT type groups in your area? You could go check that out and see if you can find any. I think being around people who are very likely to be supportive would likely help a lot.
because I'm stupidly short for a guy (5ft 3"), my face couldn't look more female (round, no jaw, big cheeks, tiny features) and I have tiny hands, wrists, shoulders and wide hips. Yes I feel it's out of pity and most of my friendships throughout my life have been about other people using me to make themselves feel better. I tried a trans group and seeing guys further ahead in their transition who don't pass makes me feel bad knowing that's how I'll look. Seeing guys further ahead with their transition who do pass makes me so envious and miserable. I can't bear to be around other transguys because they remind me of my misfortune (either way whether they pass or not), cis women because they remind me of how I am supposed to be (i.e. female) and cis guys because they are what I wish I had been. So where does that leave me? Alone I guess.
When this happens, I usually kidnap a plastic surgeon. Just kidding. Kind of. Surgeons can preform near miracles.
But the point isn't to "pass", it's to live as your authentic self. Some might blend in better with the crowd, sure, and for some it comes more naturally where others might have to work harder at it. This can be incredibly gratifying, as it validates their gender identity. That isn't all there is to it, though, especially considering just how diverse the cis populations alone are. You have plenty of short, boyish, and feminine guys out there, some trans and some not. And who says their lives are any more normal than ours? We go to the bathroom the same way, and behind closed doors, they probably have their own dirty little secrets hidden away from the world. Not to mention they definitely have their own insecurities, some rooted in gender, and all the bs expectations that come with it. Instead of looking at the end result, the "goal", why not just take it as a journey? You have the rest of your life to discover yourself, and right now, you should be giving yourself the freedom to experiment and figure out what works for you. For me, even if it means being single for a life time, it's worth living how I see fit, and not according to some "rules" society makes up simply because I was born with XY chromosomes. I've done enough trying to "fit in" - 20+ years, in fact. If they don't like it, well, there's no name I haven't already been called, and no outcome worse than living a lie. You'll have to become comfortable with yourself, knowing that not meeting expectations and "failure" are real possibilities. That's what makes us human, and the only way to learn/grow. Are you planning on going on HRT? It does wonders after a while, but even if not, you'd be surprised what a bit of socialization and wardrobe changes can do!
Hey dude not all men are super tall! I pass rather well and I'm 5'4". Famous comedian Kevin Hart is only 5'2". I have a childlike face and a feminine voice and I wear plaid all the time, but I don't get mistaken for a lesbian anymore. I mean, everyone thinks I'm 14, but my point is it's all in the way you carry yourself. This video helped me a lot with passing, but not in the way you'd think. Also yeah, the point of transitioning is to make you feel better about yourself. If you feel good you'll be more confident and pass better.
Some guys look extremely feminine. Of course, that kind of sucks in your case, as you don't want to be mistaken for a girl, but... feminine looking guys are usually really cute, if that helps at all ^_^
The FTM's Complete Illustrated Guide to Looking Like a (Hot) Dude This page helped me with tips for passing a lot, I don't know if you've seen it yet. Also I don't know if you plan on going on HRT but T is a very powerful hormone that can change your face a lot. There's also facial masculinization surgery if that doesn't help. And like other people have said, clothing and body language helps a lot. I've actually started passing (or at least looking androgynous) after I changed the way I walked/sat/etc even though I don't have the right clothes, and I have a pretty feminine face. And you could use clothing to hide your hips + accentuate your shoulders which might help
My male trans friend has exactly your problem. Very short, petite, pale, very big feminine eyes and a small nose and small ears. But now that he's on T, his voice is dropping, and he's starting to pass more and more often. There's hope for everyone <3 Just don't give up, and never say never.
Amen to that. You shouldn't care if other people know you're a guy. You should just be happy knowing you're a guy. I would imagine with facial surgery most people could pass. I'm actually rather fortunate in that for my entire life I always get the question "are you a boy or a girl", even if I'm in male clothing with a short haircut, people think I'm a girl about half of the time.
Just want to add that although passing isn't always the most important thing, it is really important to some people that have bad social dysphoria
Thanks for your replies. I'm going through a real bad patch at the moment because of these thoughts on passing. I hate the fact that I'm probably always going to look 'trans' because all I have ever wanted my entire life is to be 'normal' and now there's no chance of me ever achieving that. I'll never be able to walk down the street or go to the supermarket without getting weird looks, I'll never be able to experience being in a relationship because nobody will ever find me attractive, I'll never be able to experience being a real guy because with my height and looks, I'll just be a joke to cis guys and I'll always be looking over my shoulder in fear of getting raped, a beating, or even getting killed. I'm afraid, really afraid.
