I'm still doubting my gender identity sometimes. Sometimes I'll be so sure I'm a genderfluid person, sometimes I'm sure I'm a trans-male, and sometimes I'm so uncertain that I think I'm cis-gender who's confused, a fake, and a wannabe genderfluid/trans-male. I'm so afraid of calling myself and coming out as something when, later in life, I find I was only going through a phase or I was wrong. It would feel terrible to explain to people if that happened and try to cope with that myself. When I feel genderfluid or trans-male, I don't think I feel an ounce of denial in me at all. I feel like I am a real transgendered person and I could never imagine me as cis. But when the uncertainty rolls in, I feel so fake, like I'm pretending to be genderfluid or trans when I'm really not (as I said above, like a wannabe trans. You may wonder why I would WANT to be trans, but I can't explain). During this, I feel like it's quite possibly a phase and that I'll grow out of it. Is this what denial feels like? I've always been confused by the concept. Any advice from others who feel this way or know what this is?
I used to feel like that a lot, I don't really have it anymore though. I assumed it was due to anxiety. For me, I REALLY didn't want to be wrong about it, since being trans it such a big thing and it would be so embarrassing if I came out and then changed my mind later, so I questioned myself a lot to make sure
Do you think I should wait a while before coming out to friends and family, when I'm sure, or do you think I should tell them I'm questioning my gender?
I feel like it sometimes, but with my sexual orientation. But as time goes by, I'm getting more sure that I am definitely a lesbian. Heck, last night I had a dream that I had a really nice girlfriend (I can't remember what she even looked like, but I know that in that dream I loved her to the bottom of my heart and further) and then I woke up... And realised it was a dream and nearly cried. I think certainty gets more common as you get used to it
Thanks for the replies, I may tell them I'm questioning. I do hope my certainty grwos stronger as I keep thinking about it, because I hate being unsure. Anyone else?
I feel we may be living the same life That has been almost exactly my experience with being genderfluid. I am endlessly doubting myself on days I feel female, but there is no doubt on the days I feel male. I don't have too much good advice, since I haven't quite figured out how to solve this myself. For me I think it's less denial and more my natural tendency to doubt myself in every way. I seem to doubt my own ability to determine my gender. I think it will go away over time. If I keep feeling genderfluid, I think I'll probably get more certain of my identity and doubt myself less often, and bet you will do the same. I like to wait to come out until I'm sure, so it depends on how badly you want to come out. If you don't want to wait, then don't. Just tell them you're questioning. If you don't mind waiting, then it's really up to you, but I usually wait until I'm sure. I might come out to one or two close friends or family members, but I find it seems complicated to come out to many people as questioning and then sort of have to come out again once you figure it out for sure.
I'm sorry you feel this way too. I actually just came out to two of my best friends today, I'm planning on coming out to my parents soon and tell them what I think I am but that I don't know for sure. I feel more scared to tell them than my friends, though, so I may feel more sure of myself when I do come out to them.
First of all can I just say when I read the opening post it felt like I was reading something I had written. I feel exactly the same. It has taken me a while to convince myself to take it slow and just accept that I am going to be uncertain for a while. The uncertainty drives me up a wall. I hate being so confused and unsure of myself. It's emotionally draining really. The only difference for me is that I don't feel comfortable personally identifying as transfluid, though I think the description fits the way I weave back and forth with my doubt. I would rather feel like I'm on one side of the fence or the other. But that's me. Who you tell is completely up to you. You aren't obligated to tell them anything. I think at this point you should focus on the people who you are pretty sure will be accepting while you figure yourself out. Once you're feeling more sure you can move on to others. For example, I have come out to my mom and sister, but not to my dad. Though this is easier because my parents are separated. I've only told those who I am pretty sure will not take it badly even if I go back on it. Once I'm more sure I'll decide what to do next. I would do the same if I were you.
I didn't say anything about this but I know what you mean and even think I feel like this too. I want to consider myself trans-male, I feel more like that than a girl, but there are small feminine things I like better than the male counterpart (for example, shaving my legs) but they equal about 15% while my male-ness feels 85%. This uncertainty makes me label myself as genderfluid. But I would rather just call myself trans male and be done with it, being genderfluid doesn't seem right when I lean way to the guy's side. About telling others that would understand and waiting until I am sure with my gender and stuff before I come out to less accepting people, I will probably do this. I would feel so embarrassed if I had misinformed people. By the way, I love your name and avatar. TLoZ (and Groose in particular) FTW! Le Pompadour of Time!
