I've known that I am bi for quite a few years now, but I've only recently come out to a small number of very close friends. I'm also currently struggling to figure out if I am transgender (FtM) or if I'm just a more masculine girl. I've always liked hanging out with boys more, and have always felt better wearing masculine clothing. Unfortunately, I was not blessed with accepting parents, and my mother has always, and still continues to try to push me to be super feminine. Many of my friends always make comments like "You're so manly." or "You seem like such a guy sometimes." I'm currently feeling frustrated and confused because I feel like I should be a guy, but because of my sport I really am always pushed to be feminine. I do wear makeup on a daily basis, I wear pink, I have long hair, and generally wear feminine clothing but it is only because I am financially dependent on my parents. I've tried to come out to a few close friends with these thoughts and feelings but they all tell me I am the picturesque example of a young female. I'm just frustrated and confused with everything right now. So basically, even if I don't dress like a FtM/guy would, can I still be transgender? If I'm not trying to pass does that mean I am not transgender? I do eventually want to transition and to start dressing to pass, but because of my sport and parents it is currently very difficult.
No. Just because you're not trying to pass does not mean you can't be trans. I'm not trying to pass because right now, like you, I simply can't. The circumstances don't allow me to. But I'm a man, through and through. ... I think. ANYWAY, a lot of trans men wear dresses, like pink, and do stereotypical 'girly' stuff, but it doesn't make them any less a man. Hell, even some cisgender men do it.
I'm so glad there's more people like me! My friends are insistent that I just have some sort of "penis envy" or want to feel like I am in charge, but I don't think they understand that I am, or feel like a man on the inside! Another huge thing for me is changing my name, it's something that I really want to do, but right now I feel like there is no point in having people use a different name or pronouns when I'm not in the transitioning stages yet.
LMAO. Penis envy. I don't plan to get bottom surgery because I don't get bottom dysphoria. That, and because I don't really like genitals, and a vagina is less apparent than a penis, so a vagina it is. It's too bad I hate calling it a vagina, though. And, there is a point. Online, I present as male, so a lot of people call me man, dude, bro, etc and refer to me with masculine pronouns. It feels really good. Haha. This will prepare me for when I actually transition, so I won't be weirded out when people start calling me by male pronouns. My sisters referred to me as "he" once or a few times and it felt really nice in a really strange way. ... I think I talk about myself too much. Sorry. :dry: In any case, your friends are wrong. You don't have to have penis envy or a want to be in charge. You don't even have to be masculine if you don't want to. Many trans men are feminine. I'm on the line between androgynous and feminine myself. Like you said, it's how you feel on the inside.
You could still be trans*, but only you can say if you are or not. Not all trans men dress the same way anyhow. Good luck in figuring everything out! ride:
I thank my stars that I was given small breasts, but I think one day I would like to have tip surgery. Like you, I'm not interested in bottom surgery for the time being. I will eventually use a packer, but that will satisfy me enough for now. I also get a lot of assumed masculine pronouns online as well! It always feels so nice. Another struggle for me is family life. I do very much desire to have a family and hopefully with children of my own, but if I were to go on T, from my understanding you can no longer have children.
Sadly that is something hormones do, though you can still adopt and have a family. You can only tell yourself if you are trans, in the end. Just because you cannot dress, act or do things in a certain way doesn't mean you are not trans. It is sad that you feel so trapped, perhaps in a few more years your situation will change and you can maybe explore expressing how you feel on the inside better.
And I think that is the biggest part of my confusion. I see myself as a happy, loving, young mum in one blink. And in the next blink I see myself as a very masculine man leading a nomadic sort of life. I always have loved children since a young age and would like biological children. Aahh the things we face in life. :|
they have ways to freeze eggs, though i've heard the procedures are expensive! but if you want biological children, that's something to look into.
