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can we talk about being genderfluid?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by scarstar14, Jul 7, 2014.

  1. scarstar14

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    Hi, my name's Sarah. The idea of genderfluid is actually quite new to me, i had no idea it was a thing until i explained my feelings on a different forum and it was brought up. And I've never met anyone like me and like to get to discuss things in the process of coming out, I'm out with my sexuality but not gender since I'm just gaining an understanding. But i find discussing it here better than sites like Wikipedia.

    So i first noticed something a little different a year into my last relationship when i started having dreams. It's really silly but in my dreams she was herself but i was Chandler Bing (anyone ever had fantasies like that where you ARE a person not with a person?). After those dreams started i started feeling like i was missing a part and genuinely frustrated i couldn't penetrate her. And i began to sometimes have a different feeling of arousal, kind of like i felt an erection from a nonexistant penis when aroused.

    Beyond the sexual stuff i go through phases. I dont mind dressing pretty and girly sometimes, and others i want my chest gone and to not be seen as a female but as a male.

    Looking back in high school i used to go through these phases too, but was more male oriented then, but forced myself to be over it since i wasnt transgender amd knew that.
    The wierdest part for me is that yes im lesbian but just flat out grossed out by penises (sorry people with them nothing against you) but i have the sexual fantasies of having the part, and actually feel the imagianary appendage that i feel belongs with me!

    I dont know if id ever consider surgery, too much money for things i dont really have huge problems with. I dont currently own a binder since i cant afford a good one and cheap ones are usually more problems. But specifiaclly earlier today i encountered the idea of packers, and while thats a hell of an expense i really like the idea and would probably quicky grow attatched to it as my own. (A question on that, how do they work sexually for you? And how does masturbation work?... i can go to the sexual/physical forum for that though).
    Funny thing is looking back i always had these tendancies, i even used to use the little snack ziploc bags when i was like 10 to pee standing up. I was facinated by my little fake penis... and to this day no one knows that except all you reading this.

    So to sum that up im a born female, but i generally idrntify as genderfluid through recent discovery, and lean more on the male side. Just wanna chat about it since its still new to me. Whats it like for you?
     
  2. Tai

    Tai
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    I'm very similar. I'm still trying to sort out if I'm trans-male or genderfluid, as I am always in the masculine half most of the time. Even my name is similar to yours. However, I prefer men to women.
     
  3. Damien

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    Hi Sarah
    I don't know if this is relevant, because I am quite new to all of this, having only accepted my sexuality this year, but since I did, I can get into these states - when aroused - when I feel 'feminine' rather than masculine. I can switch from one mood to the other, masculine mood, to feminine mood, then back again, if I wish. Allowing myself to do this has enriched my sexual world deeply. I never knew, not even last year, that I could 'feel' kind of like a woman sometimes (in mood only, I still like having my male body). It's a bit like slipping into an altered state, or another personality...I enjoy the 'fluidity' of that, in any case.
     
    #3 Damien, Jul 7, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2014
  4. scarstar14

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    Pretty cool that we're so similar, definitely good to know others since this is all shop new to me! And for me the only reason it took so long to realize i was genderfluid was that i didn't know it was such a thing, and all of high school was me figuring out i want transgender since i really have no problems with what i was born with and embrace it sometimes, then embrace full out masculine sometimes, but usually am in the middle closer to masculine the majority of the time.

    ---------- Post added 7th Jul 2014 at 10:41 PM ----------

    While I've known my sexuality for years now this gendered stuff is really new to me with the feelings being realized in the past year and only discovering its actually classified as something in the past few months. So anything can be relevant I'm not really looking for advice per say just people similar to chat with about it all. My only thing here is I've not been in a relationship knowing I can feel both roles since i only discovered this post breakup, so my next relationship will be full of discovery like that. I enjoy how i allow myself to just switch as my mood allows, but I'll definitely need to explain to future relationships that i do feel partiall male and feel masculine a majority of the time.
     
  5. darkcomesoon

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    Hey, I am also genderfluid (leaning towards the masculine end of things) and DFAB, AND your name is the name I was given :slight_smile: I like girls too, though I avoid the term lesbian since that would imply that I'm a girl, which I'm not. I've only been aware that my gender might be anything other than female for about 3/4 of a year now, but the label genderfluid has fit very well for just as long.

    I don't really know what else to say, but if you ever wanna chat, I'm up for it :slight_smile:
     
  6. scarstar14

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    They way ypu have your outness is the same for me too! Everyone accepted me liking girls but since the genderfluid thing is so new to me i have literally only one person who knows, i feel like people will be like we dealt with the girl liking but enoghs enough, so thats still in. I use the term lesbian only as a label, but use it because while i tend to lean on the masculine side more i am ok being physically female in the privacy of my own space, buy like to be veiwed by others as more male, but in bed i want a girl who wants a girl physically, so its confusing!
    And im still new to this site and figuing stuff out but id live to chat sometime!
     
  7. darkcomesoon

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    well as of today i'm now out to a few people which is actually pretty awesome :slight_smile: but we're still in the same boat here. people were fine with me liking girls but coming out with the gender stuff too seems like i might be asking a bit much of them :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: im going to college in the fall so i figure its probably not worth coming out now anyway

    i totally get what you mean with the lesbian label thing. its not how i usually feel, but i understand where you're coming from

    whenever you feel like chatting just message me on my wall. it shouldn't be too hard to figure out :slight_smile:
     
  8. Purplefrog

    Purplefrog Guest

    I can relate to this in bed, like I just really want to penetrate her from my groin - but then I also like to be penetrated too! We got a strap on recently, which initially was a great turn on to use, but then I felt really inadequate as the appendage was a little too much on the small side... I think in some ways it would be quite cool to feel things with a penis - but don't really want to be a man. I relate to feeling like one should have a penis sometimes.

    I have also previously wandered what effect taking Testosterone might have down below- you know, so it's almost androgynous in size?

    Strange, I have been so worked up about coming to terms with lesbian attractions the last year or so, my feelings of gender fluidity are only coming to light now. I previously wanted to be girly to fit into the whole "straight girl" package/expectation - but I'm also realising now, that there is a far more masculine, bolshy side of me, wanting to make its way out too. Maybe it's all part of getting to know my inner "butch" side which has been lurking ...

    But I do definitely remember as a teenager not really feeling male or female, being forced to wear make up and wear brighter clothes. Def think I need to start updating wardrobe more.
     
  9. MindvsHeart

    MindvsHeart Guest

    It's a pretty recent thing for me to discover my Genderfluidity but I'm so happy to embrace it even if I'm not out to many people. I'm DFAB but I lean more towards masculinity. Around family I feel feminine, or when I wear a dress (which is rare because I feel really uncomfortable in dresses). The rest of the time, I'm either masculine in dress and manner or I just feel like neither/both.
    Romantically & Sexually, I love as a man (hence me loving with my little boy heart) and I've had dreams of having that particular appendage. I've been crushing on feminine guys mostly but I think I'll probably fall for another Gender fluid person. lol sorry for rambling, but yes, I totally would go for a strap-on for sex. The way I see it, I get to penetrate someone when I'm feeling manly and then easy removal when I don't feel like having a dick.

    *Oh, I've thought about getting a packer as well but my inner cheap-o faints at the prices. And, you said something about being fascinated with peeing while standing up? I read about about STP devices. Here's the link if you're interested :slight_smile: Hudson's Guide: Bathroom Use & STP Devices