My dysphoria is a pain in the ass. I get so depressed sometimes. I just sit there and cry and don't speak to anyone. And after that's done I end up having one of my friends reassure me that I'm worth it and everything will be okay. I don't think it's my mom's fault she doesn't get it. She's not against it. Her attitude towards me hasn't changed since I came out to her. She just doesn't want me wearing makeup and looking androgynous. I don't know why. Since then I haven't talked to her because her and her boyfriend are practically glued together and I haven't found the right time to talk to her. I don't know if talking to her will help. I'm not gonna be a girl. I have no desire to be female. I don't want to look like a girl and I don't want to present myself as a girl. But I don't want to be a boy either. I don't want to present myself as one. I want to be reasonably gender-neutral. I don't want my clothes to signify me as male or female. I want clothes that make me look androgynous, and I want to wear makeup to make myself feel a little bit more feminine just to balance everything. That's how I want to present myself. But I hate looking male. I don't hate being male. Just looking male. My leg hair and such needs to go and if my hair is cut even an inch shorter I will strangle the bitch who did it. But the 2 things I hate most are my leg hair and facial hair. But apparently I'm "too young to shave." Honestly I have no idea what to do with myself anymore. I have over a week until I see my counselor next (She's a great woman, very LGBT-friendly, probably is gonna be a great help) but until then, well... I have no idea what the hell I'm gonna do with myself. Whenever I look in a mirror, or whenever I get called he or "a boy" it just sets off so much dysphoria. Ugh.
Hello! Dysphoria is terrible and I'm so sorry you have it. There's nothing wrong with confiding in friends, don't feel bad because of that. I think your mom is worried that you'll be bullied if you wear makeup. The society we live in pretty much sucks and she's probably just worried about you. But she doesn't really get it, because she doesn't have dysphoria. Maybe you should talk to her, and in the meantime try dressing up at home (it works wonders when you're feeling down.) If you want to shave, that is your choice and it's not her place to tell you not to. I assume your mom keeps disposable razors somewhere, if it comes to that they shouldn't be too hard to find. Just be careful when shaving for the first time! Look up a tutorial or something. But anyway, I'd try to talk to her first. I know you probably don't want to but I think it will help.
