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Depression

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Auren, Jul 8, 2014.

  1. Auren

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    So I've been depressed and anxious for most of my life (since puberty began). There has been a lot of loneliness, emptiness, anhedonia, disassociation, and suicidal thoughts. Before puberty, I would cry at the drop of a hat and usually found myself shunned and bullied by groups of kids.

    I think that what has made me this way is me being female minded or just not fitting into the male gender role well. I have always been more interested in and identified with female things and roles. I hate the male gender role.

    The thing is, I don't want to change my body.

    How can I find happiness in life with this going on? There are no easy answers, but is it even possible for me to get to a point where life is somewhat more tolerable?
     
  2. Kaeden42

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    Have you seen a therapist? It sounds like your depression is quite serious and you should definitely make sure that you're keeping yourself as healthy as you can. Try to remember that your gender is just one aspect of you and there are other wonderful aspects of you that should be celebrated.

    Physical dysphoria is not a requirement of being trans*. You can be just as trans or just much as anything else without changing your body. I'd recommend focusing more on how you feel inside than what you want your body to look like. I've also found it helps a lot to hear other peoples stories about how they feel and how they came to identify however they do. Youtube tends to be a good place to find stuff like that.

    If you have someone that you can talk to about this stuff that would probably also be helpful. A close friend or family member or a therapist could be a good person.

    Hope this helped and I hope things get better for soon. Always remember that there other people out there who have gone through or are going through the same things as you and that there are people rooting for you. All the best.
     
  3. Damien

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    Hi Auren

    sorry to hear you have had such a rough time. I can relate to, well, virtually all the things you said. Firstly, I was bullied pretty badly, although I think the social exclusion I suffered during high school was just as bad. Secondly, I also don't fit comfortably into the stereotype of 'manliness' that the society I live in, tends to expect of me. As a result, a general sense of feeling socially excluded, especially from the company of men, has pervaded most of my adult life, as well. Finally, and this is something I have only more recently accepted about myself, I feel, internally, connected with both 'the masculine' and 'the feminine', yet I too am comfortable being in a male body...I'm not exaggerating I truly can relate to all that you said, so I just wanted to say, I guess you are not alone, and neither am I. :slight_smile:

    Regarding depression, well I've had a fair bit of that too, never had to take anything for it, have just had counselling over the years, which has helped a lot. Most healing of all for me, has been learning how to first stop hating, then begin accepting, and finally loving, myself. To be able to look into the mirror and, instead of repeating some mean comment, critical of my appearance or nature, to say or think something nice instead. It's been a really long and hard journey but I must say things are much better now than they have ever been, and I think they will be for you, too. Healing is a hard journey sometimes, but one thing that really helps is friendship, I've found, and if you ever feel the need to talk, I do offer myself for that. :slight_smile: (which at present, can only be posting on each others' walls, or via topics such as this one, according to the rules of ec).

    Damien.
     
    #3 Damien, Jul 8, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2014
  4. Auren

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    I saw a therapist in the past. I have been extremely depressed lately. I do not have anyone in my life to talk to about this.

    NBButch- Thank you, that is great advice. I sometimes feel like if one part of me is off or bad then all of me is bad.

    Damien- How did you come to accept yourself more? What is the secret?