1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I need my hair cut

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by itsAli, Jul 9, 2014.

  1. itsAli

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2014
    Messages:
    214
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dorset
    It's making me so bloody dysphoric and I hate it, I need it cut, I need it done NOW, I need to rip my chest off.
    Me and my friends went skinny dipping last night, we ran across the beach taking our clothes off and ran into the water, it was late, dark and no one was around (I left my pants on) and my chest was free. I didn't feel self concious, I wasn't dysphoric, I closed my eyes and imagined going swimming topless at the beach, no restrictions, flat chested, and for a short while I could imagine myself looking, presenting and passing as male, and it was wonderful, but since getting back onto shore, and getting back to his house, with lights and things, I've been feeling dysphoric. It doesn't help that all my friends are attractive male or female, I didn't make an attractive girl, and I know for a fact I won't make an attractive guy.

    I also had a panic attack last night and stopped breathing three times for 2-3 minutes each time, so that's something.
    I just feel like I'm drowning in my body, I hate it, I have a certain way I want to look and this isn't it.
    In all of my dreams recently I've had a male body and in the moments between sleep and awake in the morning, I've almost been able to kid myself that it's true, that I really do have that body, it's the best couple of seconds of the day, then the next few are the most disappointing.
     
  2. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    3,084
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I know exactly what you mean, dude.

    Just know that you aren't alone, and it will feel better. Don't give into dysphoria. Things may seem hopeless now, but they really aren't. You can do it, man. I know you can.

    I know you don't have the sort of body you want now, but if you work towards it, you'll get it eventually. And yeah, it's difficult to think that way, especially if it seems so far away, but it's not impossible.

    I heard this works, and I have yet to try it, but can you perhaps keep a list of sad, dark thoughts, and when you're feeling happier, go back and reflect on it? Maybe write down something happy in reply.

    ex:

    I will never get enough money to transition.
    Yes, I will! I'll work hard, and then I'll finally be free.

    No one will ever accept me.
    Yes, they will! If I can, others can!

    And so on.

    You can also keep a happy book, where you just put down all your happy thoughts and stuff. Then, when you're sad, you can just read through it to make you happier.

    If that doesn't work, you can always talk to us. (*hug*)

    I hope you feel better, dude. Dysphoria is shit.
     
  3. itsAli

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2014
    Messages:
    214
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dorset
    Thank you, I may have to try doing that, it sounds like a good plan, it doesn't help that even the people who know don't use male pronouns with me, I feel like I shouldn't come out to anyone else until my hair's cut and I can start presenting male easier, because I live in a place where if you come out as something, then don't 'prove it' you're not taken seriously or it's 'just a phase' so I feel dysphoric because my hair's cut and because I'm constantly misgendered and I feel like I can't transition until my hair's cut, it just feels like too much sometimes, you know?
     
  4. Kaeden42

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2014
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Hope you feel better. I totally know how you feel. Dysphoria sucks.
     
  5. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    3,084
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So sorry I didn't see this earlier, but yeah, I know.

    I think it will help to start transitioning online. Get a group of net friends (or offline friends that text you) and asked them to start calling you your preferred name, if they haven't already. Try joining group chats with them, so you can experience more of your preferred pronouns, assuming they already know to call you by it.

    I know you said the people who know don't use your preferred pronouns, and I'm in the same situation, but that's where internet kicks in. Tell them to make a conscious effort to use your preferred pronouns. It's much, much easier online because you can have time to think and edit your posts before sending them.

    These steps are purely within the online community and it may help you prepare for offline transition.