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My mum used one of the most stereotypical lines and I want to cry

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by itsAli, Jul 11, 2014.

  1. itsAli

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    I want to cry. My mum just dropped the "No matter what you'll always be my little girl." line...

    Are parents given a book of lines to say when their children come out?
     
  2. the gypsy

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    Give her a break. She's probably just trying her best to be supportive.

    Let her have time to come to understand you.
     
  3. Ruthven

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    ugh

    i remember when mine said that but with "daughter"--she said it like one time like a month or two after comin out.

    and it's been almost two years now and frankly i'd give her a D- so far on usin the right pronouns and name lol
     
  4. Nick07

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    Come on, she seems to be supportive. Some people get kicked out of the house.

    I know a girl (a teenager), whose mom went through transition. And she still calls him Mom.
     
  5. itsAli

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    It's just annoying, it's the most stereotypical line there is. No matter how much I try, and no matter how much I transition, I'm always going to be a girl to her.
    My dad doesn't know, I'm terrified to tell him, if he knows I probably will end up out of the house.
     
  6. the gypsy

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    To be accepted yourself, you have to accept others.

    Trans issues are often confusing even to trans folks themselves. It's like knowing someone by the name of 'Tim' for years and them not saying anything about it, but then one day they tell you that they're actually 'Dave'. You got used to them as 'Tim', that's wired into your memories, and it'll take you some time to get that person associated in your mind with 'Dave' instead of 'Tim'. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're bothered by the fact that they're 'Dave'. Maybe the only thing you want is for 'Dave' to be happy. But you'll still end up calling him 'Tim' half the time, because memory's persistent like that.

    Gender pronouns are funny things; Someone's not insensitive if they see a male body and think 'him' or a female body and think 'her'. That's what those words were initially for, before the concept of differences between external and internal gender were even imagined. For example, a good friend of mine is a transman, and yet I still end up saying 'she' sometimes. He doesn't get hot over it, because in his words 'It was confusing enough for me, let alone someone who can't relate!' The intention is drastically more important than what is actually said; That's the root of miscommunication, which in itself is the root of most of human conflict.

    I think what they actually mean in this context is 'I'm always going to love you regardless', or 'You'll always be my baby'.. ..They just haven't gotten used to the whole 'Dave' thing yet. ♥
     
  7. gravechild

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    Sorry. Unfortunately, parents aren't given the luxury of reading minds, and what might have been obvious to you from an early age more often than not comes as a huge surprise for them. Of course, there's denial, bargaining, anger... the usual stages of loss, since they're losing their perception of you as their daughter.

    Give it time. One thing I've learned is your approach to the whole thing determines how they'll react. If you're adamant about being called by a certain name or pronoun, they'll get the point and realize that this is something real and that they'll have to get used to it if they want to be a part of your life.

    My dad still likes to brag how he "trained" me to speak "less like a female" at an early age, completely oblivious to the fact that I came out to him, attend support groups, and visit sites like these. He blames my mother, since she was the one to raise me early on, for that "problem". Anyway, it makes sense that someone would continue seeing you how they've always known you, at least initially, and I'm sure the further you go along with your transition, the higher the chance she'll come to see you for who you really are.
     
  8. Nick07

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    ^ nice post :slight_smile:
     
  9. ArthurOK

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    That happened to me when I came out. It scared me shitless. But, eventually, your mom should realise that she IS damaging your emotional state. As much as we wouldn't like to admit it, our parents still love us. They'll come around, man. I know it.
     
  10. Ruthven

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    some may need more push. like seein a gender therapist with you.

    that might help. if not, all hope is lost lol

    but seriously, i mean there are asshole parents who never come around. gotta keep that in mind.
     
  11. KyleCats

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    Yeah. And social dysphoria is a thing.

    Some of these replies :rolle:
     
  12. MuslimPrincess

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    Don't know what to say really, I am new to all of this scene but I am sure she didn't mean it to be honest. It is better to look forward to the future than the past.
     
  13. Sarah257

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    Have you shared your feelings about that statement with your mom? If you haven't, try that and see for sure what she meant. It was probably like the gypsy said with her just trying to show her support.