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So, I'm pretty sure I'm trans. Now what?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by FrereApothicair, Jul 13, 2014.

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  1. FrereApothicair

    FrereApothicair
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    Location:
    Louisiana
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sorry for the long post, but I'm not sure where else to go to talk about this stuff.
    I've been out to the majority of the population as a lesbian for going on five years, but about two years ago I became aware of some feelings of incongruence. I've been experiencing body and gender dysphoria ranging in intensity from "mild discomfort" to "all-out emotional breakdown," and I'm more and more certain I'm actually trans (and therefore straight?). I've told my girlfriend and my roommates, but I'm too big a wimp to talk to anyone else. I have a binder on the way, and I've been dieting and working out to achieve a more masculine figure, and my progress has been...incredibly gratifying. (The shirts finally fit over my hips, oh my god!) I'm waiting anxiously for the semester to start so I can speak to a gender counselor at my university (because using my dad's insurance isn't a super realistic option), but I'm sort of....terrified? I mean, what if it's all in my head, you know? And if it's not, what then? I don't want to be disowned or anything, but I also hate the idea of staying as I am.
    Any advice from those with more experience? Does anyone else have the "What if I'm crazy and I'm not actually trans" concern? Or the "What if I do something permanent and hate that, too" concern? Also, how do I even talk to a counselor about this craziness?
    Help! :help:
     
    #1 FrereApothicair, Jul 13, 2014
  2. smokey-knows-all

    smokey-knows-all
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    I get the feeling too like well fuck what if i tell people this and im wrong
     
    #2 smokey-knows-all, Jul 13, 2014
  3. Tai

    Tai
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    Yep, I still get that feeling. Explain everything to the counselour so they can help you to their fullest... Other than that, be yourself in front of them. Not only will they listen to you, but possibly they might pay attention to your body language, hesitation on answering their questions, etc.
     
    #3 Tai, Jul 13, 2014
  4. elover

    elover
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    Yep, I'm going through that now. I thought it would be a passing thing, but it's only getting stronger for me. I had hoped it would be like getting a song stuck in your head, but eventually the song goes away. This "song" is definitely not going away. I'm trying to look on the bright side; I've always admired women from affair. Now the thought that I could be one on the inside is kinda exciting! Yes, the fear of "What if I'm wrong?" is still there. But then I think, "What if I'm right?" And that makes me very happy.
     
    #4 elover, Jul 13, 2014
  5. FrereApothicair

    FrereApothicair
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    Location:
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    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I like what you said about it being like "a song stuck in your head." It's like, sometimes the song goes away (when I'm busy, or when things are all going my way in other spheres of life), but it comes back stronger and more pervasive every time. I also think that recognizing that my feelings may be valid has made the dysphoria stronger--like, now that I know there's a viable alternative, I want things to change NOW. It is super reassuring to know that others feel similar things to what I've been feeling!! (!)
     
    #5 FrereApothicair, Jul 14, 2014
  6. CommanderMatt

    CommanderMatt
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    I went through the same thing for a long time For the longest time I figured the feelings would go away eventually but they just got stronger. A lot of people feel this way initially but it's best if you acknowledge these feelings and sort through them rather than ignoring them or trying to block them out.
     
    #6 CommanderMatt, Jul 14, 2014
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