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childhood dysphoria?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jaska, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. jaska

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    The only thing that's holding me back from accepting myself as male is my childhood. I remember a few incidents that might be gender related?
    I've always had an obsession with looking at my body. I would spend hours everyday just staring at if and touching by breasts wondering how big they would turn out to be.

    Also I used to have baths with my brother and I was fascinated by his penis.

    I also remember trying to pee standing up a few times and being kinda doss appointed when I couldn't.

    I also used to severely hate my nipples. They were unusually large and I would get really upset about it and ya

    maybe dis post is to sexual? I don know
    ya so what childhood dysphoria did you guys experience (!):confused:
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    Maybe?

    I don't think I had childhood body dysphoria, unless you count being happy with the lack of big boobs. But I definitely had gender dysphoria back then. I didn't like being called a girl or she/her on the internet.
     
  3. Acm

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    When I was really young (pre-puberty) I was sort of confused about my gender. I thought that I was a hermaphrodite that had been corrected at birth or that I was going to eventually grow a penis because what I already had felt unnatural. I used to pretend to have a penis too and I remember telling people I had one, or claiming to be a boy (I stopped doing that after my mom got mad at me). I was in denial about puberty and I didn't think I would ever go through female puberty or get a period
     
  4. Nychthemeron

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    Oh! This makes me remember how I used to think I was actually male, and my parents were just hiding my true sex all along.

    I wished for that for so long and I think that's when I finally saw how bio-males looked like down there. I was devastated, to say the least. haha.
     
  5. KyleCats

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    Yep, been there. One of the earliest things I remember was putting socks in my underwear and looking at myself in the mirror (usually also shirtless). I was around 5 years old.

    When I had to start wearing a bra I started crying and pleading with my mother not to make me wear it - it felt like a punishment. That was third grade? I think.

    The peeing standing up thing, I actually mastered that as a child. But I could only do it in one bathroom in the house, I can't remember why. I think the toilet in the other bathroom was too close to the wall. But anyway, yeah I figured out how to do that :lol: I was younger than 12, because that's when we moved out of that house.

    I also remember pretending I had a penis. And I was always shoving things in my pants. It's kind of weird to think about it now because I don't really feel the need to wear a packer.
     
  6. PotatoSmuggler

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    I was also fascinated by penises and wished i could pee standing up. I was also pretty weirded out by my vagina as a child. I also remeber liking trucks and bikes and toy guns until i was like 5 or 6. Then my mom basically forced me to be girly.

    I remember in 4th grade i spilled something on my clothes, and the nurses office gave me a pair of these long, pin stripe shorts that were pretty unisex and i would wear them pretty much everyday. 4th grade was also around the time i started wearing boys shoes and basketball shorts.
     
  7. AlexL

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    I used to feel kinda awkward wearing dresses, skirts or too girly things. I used to feel bad that I couldn't walk around shirtless because I was a girl, and when puberty came I felt really awkward. Luckily my breasts are small :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Just like a few people said, I also wanted to have a penis but I thought this feeling was wrong so I kept shoving all of these thoughts of being male in the back of my mind.
     
  8. Orange Bananas

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    I used to wonder if I was a hermaphrodite. I would get skirts, but I would never wear them because they felt weird. I went to a birthday party once and the boys all went upstairs to the host's bedroom and said that girls couldn't come up, but I was a tomboy, so I was allowed. It was then I realized, oh yeah, I don't get to automatically do everything with the boys. Then they all took their shirts off and I wanted to, but I wasn't allowed to and I was furious. When I was about 9, I actually looked at my feminine parts in the mirror, and I then realized I thought it looked weird. I knew what boys had instead, but I never really thought about it until puberty hit and I realized I wanted that instead.

    And now I wear only boy clothes unless forced otherwise and use at summer camp the masculine "Skullmaster." :badgrin:

    Sorry for randomly ranting a little bit. :icon_redf
     
    #8 Orange Bananas, Jul 13, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2014
  9. birdking

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    didn't wear bras until I absolutely had to. refused to do anything with my hair. as soon as puberty began to take effect, everything started going the wrong direction.

    the first time my parents noticed was actually at one of those little photo things at the mall where you dress up and take themed pictures. I refused to dress like a flapper and asked instead if they had any suits in my size. there's NO WAY i am ever wearing anything with tassels and whatnot unless I have a major confidence boost and start doing drag.
     
  10. itsAli

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    When I was young I used to sometimes dress up as a boy and get my mum to call me Alex, and she drew a pencil eyeliner moustache on me
     
  11. oncetherewasa

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    Apparently, I used to tell my mom I was a boy when I was like 2/3/4. She took me to the children's museum and showed me these little male and female anatomy statues and was like "See, which one are you?" And I recognized that I matched the female anatomy but still said "No, I'm a boy."
    When I was 8-12 I remember always doing boy things and only wearing boy clothes and being super mad I couldn't take my shirt off in public. And yeah, long after puberty when I was like 16 or 17 I actually looked at my downstairs area and was like "Wtf.." just thought it looked weird and I didn't relate to it.
     
  12. drwinchester

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    I honestly can't remember having a lot of dysphoria as a kid. I mean, I was jealous of not being able to pee standing up. A lot of it didn't come into play until I started puberty and a lot of it was like this weird disconnect between what I saw in the mirror and how I perceived myself. In fact, I was weirdly anxious about my crotch until I starting packing.
     
  13. CommanderMatt

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    I remembered always taking my brother's clothes and playing tackle football with the neighborhood boys. My mom would always get upset at my masculine behavior and I could never quite comprehend why I couldn't do the same things as the rest of the guys.
     
  14. jaska

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    that's exactly what happened to me man! I basically lived on another planet during puberty. Jeez times were rough:grin:
     
  15. Oddish

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    I always thought of myself as one of the boys when I was growing up, especially having no sisters, and having two older brothers likewise solely male friends as a child. I noticed I had a lot of social dysphoria, in the sense that I hated when my "femaleness" was pointed out, and I didn't want to be treated differently from other boys. It didn't make sense to me when I'd roughhouse with them, and my mother would be upset, like I did something wrong.

    As I got a bit older, I never thought that I'd go through female puberty and would drastically hope I'd grow up to be a boy. I was averse to everything female, I absolutely loathed the fact that I'd have a period, and I didn't want to take care of myself at all. I vaguely remember spending some nights wishing I'd wake up as a boy. ;___;
     
  16. Akane

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    Oh man. This thread brings back some uncomfortable memories.

    I remember crying and running away in the mall because I had to find the right bra and pick one out. I hated it, everyone always assumed I was just a chunky little boy, and I was totally fine with that. My sister always had to calm me down (I was 9) start of puberty. Man that point in my life was almost Hell for me. I didn't want to shave my legs and I hated to wear bras...and all the other girls gave me dirty looks, the first time I ever knew females existed and they were just horrible, I hated them, all my life I was only one of the boys, I only played with boys and always sided with the boys.
    And when it came to boys vs girls, I actually went on the boy's side and they pushed me out of the line and one time I asked the coach if I could join the boy's side.

    I think I eventually grew out of most of my gender dysphoria once I hit age 15.

    But one night (two or three months ago) I felt a horrible emotion I couldn't pin point, I was crying, I was wondering why in the world I was born into a female body, I didn't want to have boobs at this point and felt that I was missing something. That night I wondered 'Am I really JUST genderfluid'? But then that morning I woke up and felt completely fine. I was like 'Wtf brain?'
     
  17. RayXxx

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    I remember being jealous of seeing what my brother had and I didn't. I kept thinking, where's mine, and pleading my mom that I had a penis. When I told her I had a chest, she kept saying I have breasts not a chest, but I insisted I had a chest. I think I was around age 4 or 5. I got so envious of my brother that I wanted to start wearing male clothes like he did. For some time I was even able to wear swimtrunks. Haha, what's funny is that in middle school, I liked checking out the hair on my legs in PE to help prove my masculinity. It was more convincing in making me look like a guy.