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Really trans

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by whoman, Jul 14, 2014.

  1. whoman

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    I came out as Trans (ftm) a couple of months ago but have now been questioning if I'm really trans or just a really big tomboy. My boyish traits are that I hate my chest I want a flat chest I get Dysphoria there I love short hair and get really happy when people think I'm a boy in public. I wear masculine clothing I like the styles and designs better. As a kid most of my friends were boys but mainly due to the fact I liked Pokémon not barbie and I went to a private school were most people were pretty mean. But about a year ago I was girly not Like really girly but I blended in with the other girls but at the beginning of this school year though I cut my hair and was dressing more masculine. Is it weird that I didn't start expressing myself as male until later on does that mean it's just a phase I don't like Xbox or sports either. I feel like a boy but is this just a phase my mom has asked me this so many times and now I'm doubting myself too.
     
  2. Unkempt Harold

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    I don't think men have a genetic predisposition to Xbox XD. (Also you should still play >=.

    But honestly even if it WAS a phase, why not indulge anyways? Even if you were cisgenger surely there would be nothing wrong with dressing up and acting like a girl?

    Btw, prob not a phase >_>
     
  3. Argentwing

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    It sounds like you may just have a little of both sides when it comes to gender expression. You're allowed to be that way, you know :wink: so don't let your mom convince you it's a phase, rather than a core part of who you are. Other trans people will be able to tell you better than I can what the deal is, but you may find comfort in not putting so much effort into whether to label yourself or not.
     
  4. clockworkfox

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    Only you can really determine your gender. Everyone is different, and everyone figures themselves out differently. I didn't figure out I was trans until I was 20, mostly because I didn't know that I could be - I was uninformed about trans issues and I thought all trans people were mtf. I didn't even know I existed.

    What you like and how you like to express yourself are cool and all, but they don't determine your gender. Lots of people of various genders like to wear male clothes and short hair, like pokemon, and don't like xbox. It's normal to turn to things like this as signs of our gender, especially when we're feeling doubtful, but it's important to remember that they don't make our genders. I like flower crowns and baking, I don't eat meat, I play xbox and collect comic books, and I have a vast knowledge of really bad action/horror flicks (Bruce Campbell is a favorite actor of mine, for perspective). None of these things, though they're typically painted as gendered things, make me a boy or a girl. The thing that really brought me to the conclusion that I'm not cisgendered is that I don't feel cisgendered.

    Sure, I could wear a dress (and sure, I like it, and I won't deny it), but I don't feel like a woman. I feel like a boy in a dress. Even before I realised that this is what I was feeling, there was something in the back of my head that gave me a sense of disconnect. My internal sense of self leans toward the masculine, even if some of my interests are considered feminine. When you think about yourself - and I mean your core self, without all the frills and the muscles and the makeup and the facial hair - how do you perceive yourself? As one or the other, both, neither?

    It's ok not to be certain, too, so don't stress yourself. Just go with your gut. You could be a tomboy, you could be a transboy, but what's important is that you're being true to yourself.
     
  5. Mogget

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    People start to question their gender identities at all sorts of different ages. I have a friend who knows people who didn't transition until their forties, I only started questioning my identity at twenty-five, I have a cousin who started questioning his as soon as (if not before) he was old enough to know enough words to say that he wasn't a girl.
     
  6. itsAli

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    Gender expression is completely different to Gender identity.
    Liking 'boy' things doesn't make you a boy, like liking 'girl' things doesn't necessarily make you a girl. They're just gender stereotypes society has created. What makes you a boy is if you FEEL like you're a boy, if you feel more comfortable being a boy.
    Quite a few trans people (myself included) we may be trans, but it doesn't mean we stick to strict gendered roles and adhere to stereotypes "you MUST like this..."
    When I was young my dad tried to get me to help him fix cars countless times but I always got bored and went inside to do something else, going by strict gender logic, that wouldn't make me trans.
    There are lots of femme cis guys and butch cis girls, and I highly encourage people to break the stereotypes, it's okay to be yourself!
    As for wondering if you're trans, experiment, create a male persona online, get people to use he/him pronouns and go out in public presenting male, see how it makes you feel.
    You could be genderfluid, meaning you fluctuate between feeling male and female, but again, that doesn't mean you HAVE to wear girly clothes on girl days and 'boy' clothes on boy days. I Identified as Genderqueer, before I came out as trans, but then after a while my dysphoria got too much and I realised I was having countless 'boy days' in a row

    Good luck, and don't be afraid to experiment :slight_smile:
    And feel free to PM me with any questions
     
  7. Raatox

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    I can just ad up to whats said before.
    My brother is, as far as i know, a guy. and he is one of the most sissy person I know, but he is still a guy :slight_smile:
    And I consider myself male, still i love flovers and cute animals and sweet dresses (can't wear them though).
    As for knowing what you is, I'd say: let it take time, you don't have to know NOW. One day you will know for sure. but if you feel like a guy, then you probably are a guy, I guess :slight_smile:
     
  8. jaska

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    hey!
    It doesn't matter what ur hobbies and stuff were, you cud be the girlieat guy on the planet and still be male, you cud hate hanging out with guys and still be male. It all comes down to how you feel about your assigned gender and (maybe if u think gender is a social construct) the gender roles and expectations that r expected of you. Stuff that helped me figure it out was thinking about who I wanted to be on the future and what bodyparts i would feel most comftable with. If u havnt come out too far, maybe you cud make sure they aren't going to out you to anyone else before you're 100% sure????? :icon_wink
     
  9. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    If you want to be a boy, just be a boy.