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Getting a binder(?)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by yven, Jul 14, 2014.

  1. yven

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    So, several months ago I have come to the conscious realization that I am indeed trans (ftm), and like 2 weeks ago I came out to my parents! They took it good, they want to support me, they got me an appointment with a gender therapist.

    The problem is now; I have really really strong dysphoria when it comes to my chest (due to it being rather large) and one of the things I had looked most forward to about coming out was to get a binder.

    In the moment that I first came out, my dad was all for it too, and together we were able to convince my mum to get me one. She's hesitant because of health risks, but I was able to take her fear by explaining binding and the "rules". I think it helped that she saw that I really knew about the pros and cons.

    But last time that I asked again if we could maybe get the binder now, she was suddenly all against it again, so much that it even pissed my father off! She says she wants to wait for the therapist appointment first, which is in September...
    Does she think I might change my mind again?? It also can't be money reasons since I'll cover for it...

    My question is now: what could I possibly tell her to change her mind? :/ my dysphoria is slowly really getting out of hand, I cry multiple times a week...:frowning2:
     
  2. CommanderMatt

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    All but family
    I think your mom is still processing your transition process and wants to take it at her pace. This is understandable but what your mom has to understand is that this is your transition and you do it at your pace. Your dad seems to be the more understanding one so it would beneficial to have him sit down and talk with your mom about the dysphoria and how bad it makes you feel.
     
  3. Maybe you should show her the binder you want to get? If you go through some place like underworks, they sell medical grade stuff. It won't hurt you if you size it properly. They use those for binders for things like gynecomastia or post-surgical recovery, so it's perfectly safe. If you can show your mom that you're going through a proper site that sells medically safe binders and that you know how to measure your size and when to wear it etc, she might be more likely to allow you to do this. It shows that you're being really responsible and careful of your own health and safety. It's obvious that you know the pros and cons, but perhaps you should find some literature for her about why trans guys want to do this, how to do it safely, and also show her the site you're getting it from (again, i recommend underworks due to the good price, durability and variety of things you can get there, but also because it outlines all different reasons why someone might need to bind).

    Really that's all you can do, unless you can convince your dad to try and help you talk to your mom. Above all, try to stay calm and rational when you're discussing it with her as much as possible. It's better for you if you're very well read and sure about all the details.

    In the meantime, are you doing anything to minimize your chest right now? If you aren't, there are a lot of resources on minimizing one's chest. It can be difficult if it is large (as my own is), but there are ways you can minimize it so that it's not as visible and that could be a good way to take away some of the dysphoria it is causing you.

    If you can't manage to convince your mother to let you get a proper binder, it's likely she'l allow you to get some spadex shape wear or minimizing sports bras. Anything you get, keep in mind that you'll want to push everything down and out. That way, if you wear a loose t-shirt over that and then a button down shirt, it looks and feels a lot flatter.

    Good luck in talking to your mom, and congrats on coming out to them! It sounds like, after working out this hiccup, everything will be going really well :slight_smile:
     
  4. Akane

    Regular Member

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    ^ What thedreamwatch said.

    And it took me YEARS to convince myself that a binder won't kill me. I wanted a binder that will allow me to breathe, I searched and searched for reviews of different kinds and found a pretty good one. I got it a little less than 6 days ago, I got it from Underworks. A very airy and breathable binder; I have a 46" chest (I wear a D cup) and it looks like I have good pectorals in this binder.