Buying Clothes as a Young Transgender Male

Yeah I can't figure out a way to get clothes without outing myself because my mom would be suspicious

I usually try to get the androgynous/unisex style clothes that are in the womens section (hard to find but I've found a few things) or you could try seeing if you have any friends you could go shopping with. The one thing that's worked for me is to get some sort of shirt with a graphic on it (for a band or a show or something like that) that's only in the men's section; I always say I want it for the design so people aren't suspicious.

 

Hey bro. Yeah, honestly? At this point, I'd do whatever I could to start being 100% responsible for your wardrobe. Yes, you're under 18 but are you old enough to find a job?

Honestly, it doesn't seem like they're necessarily unaccepting of the fact of you preferring male clothing. I mean, they assume you're female (which blows, believe me), your sister's able to wear them without having too much trouble, etc. Sure, they'll probably think you're gay or just a tomboy. But you know what? If you're not ready to come out, tell them something like "oh, they're more comfortable" "I prefer the styles". It's gonna be awkward, I'm not gonna deny it, but I doubt they'd refuse outright for you to be able to wear the clothes you want. I mean, maybe your mom? But you know, a lot of women do prefer wearing men's clothing. Now, you're not a woman but this is something you can take advantage of up until you're at the point where you're ready to come out. If you have to, shop in women's but seek out gender neutral clothing. That's what I ended up doing up for months before I was ready to start living as myself.

And what makes you think they won't be accepting? I know it's a common fear. Believe me, my mother didn't really accept me when I came out. But you never know. I mean, maybe your dad assumes your sister is gay. He's not saying "oh you look like a dyke, Susan" "oh are you a lesbo? hur hur hur" He's saying "do you like boys...or girls?" I wasn't there- I have no idea how that all went down- but it seems like he's at least open enough to the possibility of an LGBT kid that he's not acting out or preventing either of you from expressing yourselves.

If you can shop for your own clothes, please do so for the love of god. Thrift stores were where I got most of my clothes starting out. Granted, I was about 18 when I first starting shopping for men's clothing. And I was still in the closet.

If you can't, shop with dad. If anything, I have a good feeling about how he'll take you coming out.

Best of luck, mate, and hopefully one day you'll get to the point where you can broach the subject of coming out.

 

I am a cis female that enjoys wearing mostly guyish clothing, so It saddens me to see that other parents would be iffy about it at all regardless of gender identity. I mainly wear graphic T-shirts (I have a bunch of Gamer related shirts for example) and most of them are things men would wear yet I don't get questioned for them and I'm not even read as a 'tomboy'. Just a fan. I think they work best for a happy unisex medium. Or even regular tees with stripes too.

 

ive worn unisex band t shirts exclusively for a year and a half i think and last summer i went to hot topic with my mom and they had a sale on jeans and i got all the employees to help me convince her that getting me mens jeans wouldnt be terrible, and now thats all i have (actually just got 2 more pairs this weekend) and she usually doesnt bitch too much

 

I'm facing similar problems myself, my mother is accepting, but my grandma does my laundry, so if she saw a blouse in there she would freak out.

 

You might look on the internet.
Clothing might be explicitly tagged unisex which isn't always the case in shops.
So you might change your style step by step.

 

It's trial-and-error for me. They buy clothes for me, ask for opinions, and I reply with something along the lines of "Fantastic! I like t-shirts that aren't curvy and have normal sleeves. They aren't as hot in this weather and the sweat wouldn't cling to the body..."

I agree fully with the "'look for unisex clothes in the women or boys' department" thing. You never know what you would find and the sizes would normally fit much better. Check stores like Zara and Uniqlo out; as well as Gap and certain Asian retailers.

 

Guy above says it right. If you just tell your parents you prefer clothes from the male department, I doubt they will make that big of a deal. I've had a lot of issues with my mother when I transitioned to guy clothing as I'm underage, too. She still bitches that I should wear clothes that show off my figure so I know how you feel. But you will get used to it and slowly so will she.
If you don't want to have a conversation about it with them, though, just pretend nothing has changed. Point to men's stuff that you like when window-shopping. Be completely casual when you ask the salesperson if they have your number. If your father (I suggest going shopping with him as he seems more accepting) makes a joke, just joke back. You don't have to come out. You can lie if you want. You have every right. My mother has asked me twice if I want to have a sex change in a serious way and once in a mocking way. You don't have to say anything you don't want to.
As for the female section of the store, just refuse to buy anything when you go there. "It's too fitted." "I don't like the cut." "It's not comfortable." "Why do guys get all the nice logos in the T-shirts?" etc
They will slowly get the hint that you are not into female clothing and let you go straight to men's stuff. Not always, but increasingly often.

 

The nicest thing is when the salesperson is trans him/herself. I met one, a fellow transguy, at the Gap once while shopping with my mother.

I was looking for khaki trousers and I guess he just sensed something and told my mom that "these khakis are unisex and look great on girls" (I'm not out to her though I have given her hints) while we are right smack in the middle of the men's department. I think he knows, or at least suspects something, and is trying to help.

Though later we went downstairs to check out, and some other saleswoman chatted with my mom and mentioned...
"But these are men's pants!"

She threw a fit and I didn't get that pair of pants. But I'm really grateful.

 

we were at the mall the other day and she went off to the bookshop and told me to look around the girls section while she was gone. I got up my courage and asked if i could check out the men's section too, and she looked at me suspiciously and mumbled something and walked off. I must of spent about five minutes in the woman's section, before owing downstairs to the men's department. I took a few shirts and went over to the trousers and started looking. By that time I was feeling hot and sweaty, and extremely self conscious and scared, and that's when my mum came in. She was shouting at me, saying she'd been looking everywhere for me. Then she asked me why was in the men's section and i just straight up told her that I feel more comftable in guys clothes. She just looked really shocked and upset and started telling me stuff like, "but i Don't even know the sizing the sizing of men's trousers!" "But you can't use the men's changing rooms!" She was getting really upset so i just held up one of the shirts I was carrying and asked if i could try it on. She reluctantly agreed and I managed to get it in the end. The car ride home though. Was horrible, she was so confused and angry at me, and I was allready feeling shitty from the changing rooms.
I think she's definitely suspicious and I think i went way too far. I regret it.

 

I feel you, man! My parents are a lot more lenient about what I wear regularly, but I can't get male dress clothes or shoes of any sort. I hate shopping for clothes because my mom goes straight to the women's section, and I don't like anything there. You could try, like someone said above, to find something unisex or pretty gender neutral (which is hard, and part of the reason why finding shoes for me is always hard; I can't explain why I don't want something because the answer is always 'It's too feminine'). You could also (again, I think someone said this already but it's a great idea!!!) ask if you could buy your own clothes, or go shopping with people other than your parents. :icon_bigg

 

For the topic of dress shoes: Goodwill is your friend! I found some amazing dress shoes, albeit in the boys section, but they were only 3 dollars, used 1-5 times and looked great! There's an abundance of lboys dress shoes that they grew out of. Plus, shoes at most goodwills are organized by unisex size.

 

That sounds like an option! Thanks!