So, I've had body issues for a while. I'm normally not very vocal about it, but i hate that my thighs are big and my waist is small and my legs are short but I'm still tall. I don't normally like swimming, but I'm going on a trip that requires a swimsuit. I went out to buy one, and honestly, it just left me feeling so low. When I wear a normal bikini-type bottom, my legs look really fat and dimply and my butt just looks terrible. I ended up buying one anyway, and I just feel so awful. I think the root of the problem is that sometimes, I think I'm a guy. Idk... I just envy how guys are so different from girls. They can wear baggy pants and long shirts, and they don't need makeup, and they don't really have to look their best to be 'attractive'. Women are always pushed to be skinny and flawless and young, and we need to wear makeup and get surgeries and injections and stuff just to look that way. I always think of myself as a man, like when I hang out with friends, I always try to picture myself as "one of the guys", instead of just another girl trying to look her best all of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love wearing makeup and nailpolish, but sometimes I just want to cut off all of my hair and put on a suit and tie and just be manly and stuff. I don't know if this is dysforia (sorry if I spelt that wrong), or if I'm just upset that I don't have "the perfect body" or WHATEVER IT IS but I just need some people who understand
Why not cut your hair and put on a suit and tie then, see how you feel? : , ) I know a lot of girls that dress masculine, I do it sometimes and it's really great, there is a dumb message to be one way but you don't have to. This may help you figure out if it's an identity thing or dysphoria if it goes deeper. Hell, wear make-up and nail polish with the suit if you have to, you can work through this!!! It'll be okay pal
Yeah, you aren't alone. My sister tells me my face is androgynous, but I have the curviest curves (or at least a shit ton of fat there) and my thighs are as thick as hell. :tears: But, don't listen to the people who tell you what to wear and what not to. You probably already know that, but... really. It's your body. You can wear a pink pair of panties on your head and you shouldn't have to deal with people's :***:.
I getcha. I'm short and curvy and spent a long time hating myself, going to the beach in a huge coverup (and I was like a size 2/4 at the time; it was ridiculous) and starving myself before a beach vacation trying to feel attractive. But all that stuff is ridiculous; swimming should be just another activity we do with friends, not an excuse to get half-naked if we don't feel comfortable doing so. I've spent a while getting comfortable with my body and asking it to forgive me for all the pain and shame I put it through. That being said I'm never comfortable being totally exposed in a bikini at the beach. Good news though! There are options. On the femme side, I've found some good tankinis I felt good in. There are also tons of femmy one-piece suits online (check out modcloth.com for example). Going more tomboy, throwing a tanktop, rash guard, or beater over your swim top is one way to cover up and still go in the water. Board shorts can range from femme if they're short to tomboy if they're long, and also depending on the pattern. You said that you're jealous that guys can do this; you can absolutely do the same if you want to. There are ways to make it more feminine if that's your speed; or just don't worry about it and embrace the genderbendiness in whatever you're comfortable. Not sure what to do if you're really butch. Marimacho had some butch swimwear a while back; don't know if they still do. Anyways it's hard to force your body into something it's not; just work with what you've got. The androgynous body is "in", but so few people have it, it's not the only one out there. Plus, skinny thighs aren't necessarily what everyone's attracted to; the "thigh gap" trend is ridiculous and I don't think anyone in their right minds buys into it. The pressure to look a certain way is crazy for every girl; you're not alone. Add to that the envy of androgyny and it feels like you'll never feel attractive. I don't know if this is dysphoria or not; that's on you to figure out. But look just cover up until you're comfortable, and enjoy your time at the beach! All this being said, I still don't know what I'm gonna do this summer if I have to go swimming. I'm guessing baggy shorts and a tank over a bikini. Eeehhh... ---------- Post added 15th Jul 2014 at 07:07 PM ---------- P.S. here: Swimwear for Butches, Bois, Femmes and Otherwise-Identified Summer lovers - Fourteen Ask dapperQ: Masculine Swimwear Part II Autostraddle
I was having a similar issue you do awhile ago. Well... I can't come over and discard the possibility of you being cis/trans or tell you that you have the same problems as I do, I'm not even going to tell you what you sounds to be for me, I'm just going to give you advice to help you figure it out since I don't what to give you more trouble with this. First of all, don't try so hard to make yourself become "one of the boys" or a "normal girl". Just be yourself. Act how you feel comfortable and forget these gender roles a bit. If you want to act manly, go ahead. If you want to wear makeup, go ahead. Don't push yourself to be something you aren't just because you want to fit in some group. Okay, now to the gender identity issue... It's a little more complicated than it seems. Why? Because you can't use you gender expression to figure it out nor your discomfort with the gender role given to you. So... How are we supposed to determine our gender identity? I'll have to admit that even I don't know very well. Probably the best method is thinking about how you feel better presenting yourself to other people. Do you want them to see you like a woman or a man? Do you believe that you'd feel better being seem as a guy? If you could do whatever you want independent of your birth sex would you still want to be a man? Sorry if I couldn't help, hope you figure out your gender soon.
Here's what I did to start testing my gender identity. For a day or two, I just stopped identifying as male. Didn't tell anyone except a few close friends, it was just me. And then I thought about identifying as male again. It felt totally yucky, so I didn't.
