I've been feeling really depressed lately because I've been doubting myself. I've been thinking about my childhood, and realising that there is really hardly anything to hint that I'm trans. ive allways been a really different kind of kid. I don't know if i was a tomboy or not. I was just the weirdest kid around. I never really cared what I Iooked like and just let my hair do whatever. I allways hated having long hair so I got my mum to cut it when I was eight. I was a really hippy kind of kid. I was very spiritual, and wanted to be a Buddhist for a few weeks. I became a vegetarian when I was eleven. I've allways loved tree climbing, gardening, animals, bugs, art, music, tramping and camping. Allmost all of my friends were girls, but I think that's due to the gender pressures from my mum who would tease me if i tried to hang with the boys. :icon_sad: I was allways friends with the other tomboys and but i could never fit in with the "normal" gals. I also started hating dresses and the colour pink when I was about nine. One of the things I've noticed during my childhood is my complete disconnection from reality. I buried myself in my fantasies and books, and was never quiet living in the real world. I remeber my favourite book was the secret garden. I was really inspired by dicken, the boy who lived on the Moore and talked to animals. I was so excited i began searching on the internet for a place like that I could live when I grew up. Two things really depressed me. One, this was modern day and completely different from everything in the book and two, i was a girl. Being female didn't bother me that much, but there was always a twinge of dissapointment when I remembered it. I've noticed this same feeling all the way throughout my childhood fantasies. Like when I decided I wanted to live in the jungle and be like bear grylls. I remeber thinking about how when I grew up I'd have to have kids, and be a mum and that depressed me A LOT. I could never imagine myself doing that. All these feelings have lasted from when I was about seven to now when I'm fourteen. There were also a few other small things. Like when we played house, i would only want to either be the dog or the dad. I hated being a sister or a mum. Also I would tell my brother that he should dress as a girl and me a boy. When he did do it with me, we would parade around the house and take photos of each other. I know he never really enjoyed it, but i loved it. I never understood why. On Halloween i dressed as a gangster man. Haha. That was fun. People said I looked like a boy and i vaguely remeber being kind of happy. Yeah, I know its stupid but this is basically my not so transgender childhood. It would really help me to hear of other trans guys who didn't have the typically steryotypical trans childhood. Also, what do you guys think makes someone a tomboy? Do you think I sound like one?:icon_wink this shit is really holding me back in accepting myself and I'm finding it really hard to accept myself cos of it. Yeah.:tears:
It was wicked weird reading this because you just described me as a kid. All of it. The little hippy backwoods tramp reading fantasy books and climbing trees was me all the way. I even made my brother dress up like a girl so I could dress as a guy and run around and take pictures too. It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I didn't "know" when I was six, that im not hyper masculine, that I didn't have the typical trans experience in terms of growing up. Looking back now I think its because I was never forced into female gender roles, my parents were never really strict about all that stuff so I didn't have as many triggers. I always just loved being the weird kid and the reason why didn't hit me until I was 20. Your definitely not the only one
Thought I was the only one having these doubts because of my childhood. I was a little similar to you in some ways and uh... Don't feel so bad because of the lack of trans signs, I had even less signs than you did, probably because I used to daydream a lot when I was a kid and barely had any contact with the real world.
It's okay if you didn't know when you were young; as long as you know eventually, and are able to help yourself. =) I knew for sure when I was thirteen or fourteen; I figured it out then because I was hit by gender dysphoria like a ton of bricks, and felt suicidal for a while. :c I feel less so now because of my girlfriend, who is super supportive. <3
I knew when I was 14 and learning about trans stuff online. I did have signs in my childhood though, I just didn't understand them. I'd had dysphoria when I was a kid but it didn't get bad until puberty.
