I'm So Done

I'm so frickin done with being told that I need to learn to love my body or that I can't be anything in life because of my gender identity or that I'll be shunned or that my own fring mother will never accept the fact that this is who I am and no matter how many obstacles she will throw in my face, it won't change the fact that I feel like a guy on the inside. It won't change the fact that I am trans, and I need help. Yes, I said it. I. Need. Help. I'm drowning in my depressive thoughts and expectations and unsupportive things my mother has told me. I feel like crap half of the time, and the other half I just feel empty. My identity has been invalidated by her so many times that it doesn't even feel like its there. It's the leftover raisin in the bottom of the trail mix, all shriveled up and alone because nobody wanted it. I know it's there, and it demands to be heard, no matter what my mother says. She doesn't know what it's like. She doesn't know what it's like to live through the day being torn down piece by piece until it feels like you're just a pile of paper pieces. How does anything shes ever done give her the right to endanger my mental health, self esteem, confidence, and hey, my freaking life??? Good parenting is making sure your child growsuptobe happy, smart, healthy and confident, and so far Mom, you're not doing any of that.