Can there be other reasons for feeling like the opposite gender?

I don't know, but I think that the 'high expectations of yourself as a woman' may just be you having trouble fitting into your socially designated gender role. That would just be further evidence that you are trans. If you feel like you're not good at womanly things, it might just be because you don't like them in the first place.

 

It doesn't seem likely. Nothing that people can change, really.

 

It could be just being unsatisfied with gender roles. There are girls who want to be more boyish because being female has certain connotations and expectations. Sometimes they want to be seen as "not female" because of how society views females. But if you have dysphoria and want to change physical aspects of yourself and be completely male it's much more likely you're transgender than a woman rejecting society's views on women.

 

Hi,

I'm not sure but I understand what you mean.
I've been really depressed lately and was on the web one day and came across the whole transgender thing... started looking it up and it made me feel worse.
But now I can't stop thinking about it. I took the cogiati test and it told me I wasn't transgender, just feminine. Weird thing is, I never really viewed myself as feminine.
Now that I know about the whole transgender thing, it's really freaking me out and I can imagine myself as both a woman and a man... things I've never felt before.

I do think that in some aspects, my life would be easier as a woman, but I'm not sure if that's just me trying to escape my feminine side or being gay.

I'm pretty sure I don't have dysphoria, but I don't even know anymore.

 

Doubt it. Being trans isn't a mental illness. It just isn't.

And even if it was, wouldn't the only effective treatment be to let you do whatever you need to do to feel okay with yourself and your body? (Maybe hormones, maybe surgery, maybe a name change, etc)

Feeling the way that you do about your gender does not mean that you're sick or wrong. Your mother is way off base. But either way, you're going to have to do whatever it is you need to do to be who you are and other people's feelings about that are not relevant to your body and your life.

 

Ya of course. To think otherwise is naive. Our society is very gendered. Girls do this. Guys do that. Not fitting into what your birth sex is "expected" to be could cause desires like this. Many would say this isn't trans and they may be right but transsexuality is little researched as it is. Its all very murky though no doubt. Validity is another question however, but really though only the quality of life you have matters.

 

One of the therapists I have gone to said that depression and self-esteem problems are also possible reasons to feel kind of like dysphoria, as you disassociate yourself with your current self, and wish to be anything else other than that.

Though I don't think it is applicable in this case, since you seems pretty healthy mentally for me. At times, when I am really down and out, sometimes i get that kind of self-doubt too, a little fear that, maybe after all, I am just really, really insane and broken. But then I realized, what if I am broken? What if I am insane? Should I live in suffering and pain just to be called "sane"? I rather be called insane, to be called broken, but able to live with myself, to live as who I am and to live in happiness.

 

Have you ever gotten your hormone levels checked?

 

man, I know what you mean. I guess you can never be 100% sure and gotta just trust yourself and do what feels right and makes you happy. I worried about "being to young to know yourself" shit, but anyway I was sick of hating myself and had to realise that waiting years just to know for sure was basically a waste. You only got one life to live so better to make it a good one and live as much of it happy as you can. hope your goods

 

It sounds to me like you probably already know what you want, but you are letting others' doubts become your doubts. And it can be hard at times to push back against close friends and family, especially if it sounds like they are being reasonable. But the only person that can know if this is right is you.

And I can understand the lure of the idea. I'm currently trying to take time to sort out my issues in a way that lets me figure out which are caused by social expectations, and which are caused by me ignoring or hiding my true self. I can sympathize with your situation, although maybe not to the same degree. If it does bother you enough, maybe taking the time to do the same might help?

 

There could be tons of reasons, but it really sounds like your mom is really more hoping than suggesting that the perfectly likely and reasonable reason you gave her isn't what's going on. My mom suggested I might be bigender, and really hinted at several points in my life that it would be okay if I came out as gay. A lot of people, whatever you tell them, suddenly every alternative sounds better. I am positive the reverse has happened; there is at least one person out there that has come out gay, and had parents suggest they might be trans.

You have to give her time to work through this stuff. Just be patient.