my dysphoria has been getting worse and worse and since I'm not out to anyone except my counsellor, it's really upsetting people around me. I feel so angry and depressed all the time, and i take it out on my friends and my family. Especially my mum, who reacts really badly which makes me more angry. I feel like my friends and stuff are starting to back away from me, and it's like torture. I'm definitely not ready to come out to anyone yet, but I don't know what to do in the meantime. I'm scared that by the time i am ready to come out that I might not have anyone to come out too. Should I say something to them? right now, my plan is just to toughen up and prepare for the years to come, which probably isn't a very good plan.:icon_sad: :help:
I'm sorry you're having a rough time, perhaps I can help out. First off, recognize that anger is often what happens when we don't allow ourselves to express our emotions. We spend so much effort on keeping things hidden that we just don't have the energy to deal with other problems in a helpful way. So you need to find a way to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that isn't detrimental to your goals. I know you said you're talking to a counselor, but sometimes that's just not enough and you need another outlet. Have you tried keeping a journal or doing anything artistic? Those kinds of things are usually great for self expression, but if they're not your thing, that's okay. What's important is that you find something that works for you. Secondly, while I completely understand reluctance to share such personal feelings, I think that you should consider communicating that you are going through a difficult time and need understanding and support from your friends and family. You can always keep the exact details quiet until you're read to share them, and in the mean time it can help you prevent alienating anyone. If you do plan on "toughening up", then be prepared for the consequences. Chances are it will negatively impact your self esteem, not to mention that you may have trouble learning to feel again (depending on how much you toughen up). I say this because that's exactly what I did. I shut everything out and am paying the price for it now. Ultimately, it 's your descision though, and you do what you feel is best for you. (*hug*)
I understand what you are going through and I agree with sarah257. Find an outlet that will help you cope with your anger and depression. I personally think, you should drop subtle hints, I did that with my family and friends, and did this for years. Then when I was ready to come out they already had an inkling. You don't have to do this but it can help I know its scary especially if they don't understand and I know a lot of bad things can happen. I also know that you care about your family and friends but if they love you they will accept you for you no matter what. All it is, is them learning something new about you and thats not too bad because you are still you.
you have your whole life ahead of you to toughen up as you put it. however, based on my experience, no matter how much one toughens up, there will always be somebody out there that can and will cut right through to the very core. it hurts like hell, but hopefully it teaches us something. i have found that coming out is an accurate litmus test of who our friends/family really are. be warned that the answers can be very painful, but in the end, you know who will stick by you through the good and bad times and who will fold at the first sign of trouble.
Coming out the first time is hardest. Also unless you present 24/7 don't expect friends and family to gender you properly. Even then it takes a while. I've been super fortunate with my friends and as of yesterday my brother. I've yet to cross the parents bridge but so far I'm super lucky with avoiding the horror stories of loss and shunning. You do have to be tough because even with support not everyone will approve of people like us. You'll quickly learn about who cares for you truly.
If you know they'll be accepting and will just have to take time to get used to it, I'd try and prepare yourself to come out. I didn't think I was ready, but recently I've tried mentally preparing myself and writing down things to put in my letter, because it's bugging me, too. When I get upset by it, rather than being afraid of coming out, it fuels me and motivates me to write a letter as soon as possible.
