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Genderqueer, FtM, or Something In-Between?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Estival, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. Estival

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    It's been a while since I've been on EC. In that time, I've re-evaluated my gender identity what feels like a million times. I've decided I need help again - I think I'm further, but nowhere near the level of certainty I'd need to decide if I want to change my name, pronouns, or transition. So, I'm just going to break it down into the main things I've figured out.

    1. I am not a girl, and feel uncomfortable being called 'girl'.
    2. I feel nothing towards 'she', and haven't had the chance to try 'he'.
    3. I don't want breasts (or at least small ones) and I consciously lower my voice.
    4. 'Man' doesn't sound right, and neither does 'woman', but I'm fine with 'guy'.
    5. In at least one instance, I felt excited/happy when wearing men's clothing (in this case, a dress shirt). However, I also like wearing short shorts (not dresses or makeup).

    It should be noted that I have a horrible body image regardless of gender, which is why I'm iffy on a lot of things. I also find more androgynous women attractive - could it just be jealousy?

    So, I guess I'm wondering if anyone else shares this kind of feeling, and what everyone thinks about it. Are there any signs that prove beyond a doubt that you're FtM? If you're genderqueer, can you justify a transition?

    There are a lot of questions here, but I'd really appreciate the help. Thank you.
     
    #1 Estival, Jul 22, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2014
  2. Acm

    Acm Guest

    For a long time I felt weird calling myself man too, if that helps. If I were you I would experiment with pronouns, maybe ask a close friend to try calling you by male pronouns to see how that feels. Would you prefer to be male, or would you rather be something else, like a mix of male and female, or neither?
     
  3. Estival

    Regular Member

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    Yeah, it does. I guess I'm kind of looking for validation of my feelings - or rather, proof that people solid in their gender identity might feel the way I do.

    Yeah, I'll try that...I guess I just have to work up the courage. Would using pronouns involve talking to others, though ("He just had lunch.")? Would I have to get a couple of friends to call me by male pronouns, or is there another way? Sorry if I'm being dense about this whole thing.

    That's mostly what I'm struggling with. A lot of the time, I feel male, and sometimes I feel more feminine (but never fully female). For instance, if someone calls me 'girl' I cringe, but I'm perfectly fine using the girl's bathroom. So I guess it would be a mix of both - but instead of red (girl) and blue (boy), it'd be blue and purple (mixed), if that makes sense?
     
  4. Akane

    Regular Member

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    I don't know how you can "justify" a transition. But I can relate to a lot of what you are talking about.

    Sounds like you have body dysphoria, cisgendered men and women get it as well, it is just a body imagery issue, maybe even a self-esteem issue. I got the same problem.
     
  5. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Body image problems for cis people are called body dysmorphia I'm pretty sure, when it's related to the physical sex characteristics of someone's body, it's body dysphoria.
     
  6. birdking

    Full Member

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    I felt weird calling myself a man at first. It's probably the fact that you're more used to being referred to as female. After people started calling me "he" I quickly realized I preferred it and after a while feminine pronouns started to bother me.