So I May Honestly Be a Trans- What Do I Do From Here?

I always knew about the struggles that transgender people faced, but never would I have imagined going face to face with these agonizing troubles. I never was an outright girly person as a kid- sensitive, yes, but never did I feel outright girly. In my teen years to early 20s, I had very minor fascination with girly things- but it was only 1-10% of the time. Flash forward today to my early to mid twenties, and that number has risen substantially to 50-80% of the time.

I don't know what the cause is for this massive rise. Though I estimate that gender roles are more definitive in the adult world than as a college student. It is rare to be able to find a job without wearing a suit and tie- clothing that makes me want to off myself. I am more comfortable and able to tolerate gender neutral clothing and looking androgynous- though I really wish I could wear skirts and dresses and cross over to the other side. I wish I can express my emotions more readily.

So yeah....that's where I'm at. I haven't told a living soul about these feelings, besides on the forums. For obvious reasons- I'm terrified about it. I don't want to be labeled as someone who is gender confused- I just want to be me. I have no idea how to come out, or whether to continue donning the mask.

I have a few questions:

1. How in the heck should I come out? Even with the people I trust, this subject is a major awkward embarrassment to me. I really don't desire to come out about this, but it's painful. There are certain people I trust over others. And I don't want any wind getting to my parents.

2. If I do transition- how long does it take? I know that the process is insane, I'd really rather just get it over with if it's going to happen. I'd still rather enjoy the rest of my twenties as female when I have the chance, I don't really desire to be an old woman.

3. How do I cope with the time I have right now as male? Let's face it, it'll probably be a while before I can transition if it's going to happen, and I have a lot of coping to do.

 

I would absolutely love to speak to a therapist about this, but I can't see a gender therapist because my parents would know. I could mention it to my regular therapist, but it's a shy point to mention it even to him. (Perhaps I would be less shy about it if my therapist were female).

 

Well, I'm 23- living at home, unemployed, and under my parents insurance plan. I wouldn't even know the first thing about finding a gender therapist, hiding it from my parents, or anything of the sort. I would love to find a close friend to confide in, but even that is very difficult.

As you all know, gender dysphoria is extremely debilitating and frustrating.

Thanks for that article, by the way- very helpful!