Attempted to come out to my mom... Sort of

So I have come out to everyone except for my family as genderqueer. And I've talked to a few close friends about being trans.

But my family is the hardest part. I originally wanted to keep it a secret until I get my top surgery, which I am 90% set on getting in the future. By then I'm an adult, don't have to deal with them, and if they stop talking to me, oh well!
I am a strong person, I don't care what anyone thinks about me. So it's not that I fear being rejected or hated. It's just, that they would make a huge deal about it, and it's just not worth all the fuss.

Well, particularly my mom. I'd totally come out to my dad if I could; I enjoy having "dude talk" with him, talking about things my mom doesn't give three f**ks about. I'm sure he would be supportive of me coming out as genderqueer, and perhaps trans in the future.
But if I told him, he'd definitely tell my mom. He's not one to keep secrets.

My mom is a feminist. That says a lot already, doesn't it? Ever since I could remember, she talked to me about how "women are superior than men", and always went on about how woman's bodies were soooo amazing and female is the better sex.. (Did I mention I fucking hate feminism?) You'd think she was trying to turn me into a lesbian (but apparently not, more on that later.)

So, I was particularly stupid today. And told her I was binding. Thought she would just calmly ask why, and it would lead to me telling her I'm genderqueer, and she'd be supportive and all ends there. She was always supportive of my "strange fashion", she even gladly accepted that I wanted to wear guy's clothes. I should have known better.

But she made a big fuss (I'm surprise she didn't notice the lack of boobs already).
She said "that's what lesbians do!! What are you, a fucking lesbian!? You're going to ruin your amazing body!"
When I told her I didn't care what lesbians did (didn't even know lesbians bound), I was just doing what I want, and that I don't do it every day. After all the nagging, I even told her a little white lie, that I was doing it to look better in my more masculine outfits.
But of course she said "don't ever do that again. I can't believe you did that"
So because I was annoyed enough, I walked away and went to my room (and I'm gonna bind anyway, screw that). As I left, I could hear her saying "You're a young woman, not a man! Act like a woman!" And other such things.
Act like a woman. Act like a woman. Those words, echoing in my mind like a broken record. Driving me insane. Those words I've been having to deal with my whole life.
I wish I'd never have to hear those words again.

I fucking hate feminism.

---------- Post added 29th Jul 2014 at 12:42 PM ----------

Sorry, don't even have a reason to have posted this. Just ranting I guess.

 

Wow yours is even worse.

I couldn't stand for that shit, I'd hit back. Excuse me, but I don't give if you birthed me, no respect means no respect back.

Mine has gotten a little bit better.. She used to give me the bra thing too. She bought me bras that had thick padding and made my already too big bust look even bigger. When I said I wanted sports bras, she said "no, that's unflattering and not ladylike".
I always thought "what if I don't want to be ladylike?"

So now I'm not wearing bras at all, and she hasn't mentioned it in a while.

One thing she does do, is "compliment" me on my chest and thighs (and today especially she did it, almost as if she was truely picking on me, and despite of the fact that my thighs are pretty much equal to that of a feminine male now, because of working out everyday.)

I always tell her to stop. And for a while she stopped doing it, up until today.

 

Feminism isn't equality, I've seen the way feminists talk, they insult and ridicule males like crazy. They say ALL men are bad when they (or we?) obviously aren't.
But I don't want to start an argument.

Yeah I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid now she'll notice, and try to take my binder away. I can't imagine going out without it. It's not perfect, but with loose clothes it works very well.
I don't want to be seen with boobs... I don't even want to see myself like that.

And in that case, ranting won't do very much.

Thank you, I hope she will.. But somehow I doubt it.

 

Trust me I'm not afraid. I'm just annoyed.

 

I think you should come out to her. You should defend your own views and show her that you will not stand for the disrespect she had shown you.

Anyways, you should be yourself. If it means wearing 'men's' clothes and getting a buzzcut, then so be it.

 

Oh no I like my hair long, I would never get a buzz cut, it's unflattering on either gender and I quite like to look androgynous. Like those beautiful gothic boys... My picture is how I look and wish to stay that way even after surgery in the future.

But thank you very much. She seems to have forgotten for now that I told her about binding. She hasn't mentioned it since and is talking to me like normal.

The only thing I had to worry about was her taking my binder away, as I am quite dysphoric about my chest.

I have decided not to come out to her just yet. As I have said, coming out would be a hassle and I'd rather avoid the huge headache.

I never said I was to stop wearing the clothes I wear. As they are quite unisex for the most part, she obviously doesn't have a problem, and supports my fashion. Even if she didn't, let's just say I wouldn't give. I wear what I want.