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Genderfluid or Transgender?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Lucaaa, Jul 30, 2014.

  1. Lucaaa

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    Hi! So, I guess I want to ask how I know whether I'm genderfluid or whether I actually want to transition to the opposite gender permanently? But I feel like that's a thing I'll have to figure out on my own with time and a lot of reflection...

    I guess this is freaking me out because every transgender person I've ever come across has had some kind of bodily dysphoria since an early age. I have always loved having a female body for no discernible reason; I certainly never fit in with the other girls, but never felt like a tomboy either. So, thinking of myself as transgender is totally foreign territory to me. And you know. New things are scary.

    I've been toying around with the idea all week, and had a spiritual epiphany this evening in which a voice said to me "Hey, you're really a guy," and I was like "oh fuck."

    Suddenly everything about me makes sense. It makes sense why Dandy fashion thrills me, why I prefer so many male-dominated interests, why I take pride in being able to sing notes deeper than most girls, why I never felt like a girl in the first place (but not like a boy either). Why my role models have always been male. So many things.

    Everything makes sense except for the fact that I love my body and traditionally feminine things, like vintage floral dresses and being a lovely wifey. I'm afraid that if I transitioned, I'd miss my body.

    This all started when I recently began having dreams in which I was a guy. I've had them before, but lately I've had A LOT of them. In dreams, anytime I'm me but male, I just feel so...normal and comfortable. So me. It's not that I don't feel like me when I'm female. It's that I'm Me when I'm male. It's sort of semantics so perhaps it's hard to get across. Please also note that my dreams are very vivid!

    I guess that's it? I'm just rambling because I don't really have a lot of people I can talk about this stuff with...so feel free to ramble back. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Saucey

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    This sounds a lot like how I feel about myself. I identify as gender fluid, but predominantly male (although I am biologically female). Because like you said I do still have days where I feel more like a girl, and I'm more or less pleased with the extremely "female" parts of my body (my lady business and I are bffs. I could do with or without my boobs as they're super small anyways. But I do really wish I could gain muscle). But overall being as a guy feels more right to me. I feel more confident, comfortable, strong, normal, and attractive as a guy. I've never been THE most tomboyish person, but I've definitely always been "one of the bros" personality wise.

    So you could be gender fluid like me. Or perhaps non-binary? There are an infinite number of possibilities. You don't need to identify with one until it feels like the right one for you.
     
  3. idream

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    That is also alot of the things that I feel. I used to actually think that I was a boy when I was little. Going through puberty, before I knew about different genatalia. All the girl's boobs got bigger, and mine remained small. Now that I'm older and know better, I occasionally hate all the aspects of my female body and feel better and more normal being seen as a guy. The thing is, I also like being a girl occasionally. The gender and sex spectrum is so wide so, like l0v3ly said, just wait until you know what feels right. Don't rush into anything.
     
  4. JustJJx

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    Oh my! I also have dreams :grin: But i'm female in them, it does feel so right but i also have days where i like being a guy...but i have days where i'm desperate to feel like a real women :frowning2:
    Just take your time like l0v3ly said, their are a lot of possibilities! Do some reading up? Or dress up and see how you feel?
     
  5. BelleFromHell

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    I agree with everyone else. Just take your time, and don't pressure yourself. You'll find out soon enough.

    P.S. Genderfluid is a type of transgender. Transgender doesn't always mean MtF or FtM. Genderqueer, androgyne, agender, bigender, and other non-binaries are also transgender.
     
  6. Hexagon

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    The two aren't mutually exclusive. You don't have to have dysphoria to transition, either. Do what you want, and don't let arbitrary standards of having had a terrible life tell you what to do.
     
  7. Lucaaa

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    Thanks for all your responses. I think I should clarify that I've been genderfluid for awhile, and the sudden realization that I might want to socially/physically transition to male (with hormones and name change) has me wondering if I've been in denial all this time. I wonder if I was just using "genderfluid" as a cover up for my true feelings.

    I'm trying to be as specific as possible with my wording to avoid invalidating anyone, but I'm sorry if I'm failing.

    This is how I feel too!

    The thing with me is, if I wanted to pass as a guy, even just to experiment, I would never in a million years be able to do it as I am, no matter how I felt I was presenting at the time. I wouldn't be able to have the same experience I have in my dreams, where I am just "a guy" to everyone in the dreamworld. When I dress guyish now, everyone still sees a cute, petite female person, and treats me accordingly. I also just don't know how to "act" like a tough guy--even if I were born male, I'd be one of those awkward, anxious, effeminate types.

    I'm sure I just need to sit on this a little longer, but it's proven difficult so far. I just keep getting more and more confused and upset. Well, not confused, just upset I guess. Or afraid. Today was the first day I felt like an alien in my own body. I normally feel like an alien to society, but not to my own corporeal body as well. It's not fun to be both.

    I also had a totally invalidating conversation with my partner about gender today, so there's that :grin: I know I subconsciously lean more femme, even when I feel boyish, but he tried convincing me that I'm too feminine to be transgender whatsoever. I was like...I don't think you understand gender theory.