whenever I'm around guys, this horrible intense jealousy just seems to flood me, and it's really unbearable. But I think it's more than just intense jealousy, cos it feels like I'm a beetle, whose fallen over, and trying to get back up, but I can't. And I see all the other beetles just carrying on past me, and they don't give a bloody fuck about me, they just walk on. And I'm like "hey, I'm just like you, wait for me, help your brother!" But all they see is a fucked up, hairy girl wannabe. Like my body is just one big lie, and no matter what I do, my body will allways say FEMALE. but I never feel like this when I'm by myself. If I look at my body, it just looks so far away and unreal. It looks so beautiful, but it doesn't feel like it's mine. But this doesn't upset me at all, it's just like meh, oh well. I also have a lot of self hate, but it's more towards my personality than my body. I first thought I was trans a few months ago. And since then all I've been doing is just day dreaming about transitioning, and what my life would be like male and stuff. So I feel like reality hasn't really got to me yet, and I'm scared that when it does I'll lose all my hope, cos right now I have A LOT of hope. The feelings i described in the first two paragraphs have been slowly getting stronger since as long as I can remeber, but these days they're becoming even more intense and stronger, and I wish someone could just TELL ME IS THIS DYSPHORIA, cos then I could finally stop questioning and maybe feel like i have enough evidence, to finally accept myself.:help: it's really hard to explain this, but I hope someone understands and also sry for long rant.(*hug*)
I get that too, only in a different way. "LOL, you're not a lesbian, You're just a confused straight hoe." "OMG, I love my girlfriend so much, liek totes meh goats!" "LOL, y u so lonely? Is it because you're homeschooled, or ugly?" "I LUVVVSSSS MY GF!!! Nobody luvs u~!" Anyway, I'm off topic. I'm no expert, but what you're describing sounds a lot like dysphoria. I just wanna say... if you feel like a dude, YOU'RE A DUDE. Some people may disagree, but they're assholes, and you don't need assholes. It's possible to have treatment done to match your male-mind with a male-body. It's hella expensive, but if you want it bad enough, I'm sure you'll eventually save up enough money. There are also plenty of cis-gay/bi men who date transmen, both post-op and pre-op. Sorry for the bulky response, my mind's been scrambled today. Hang in there, bro. (*hug*)
It sounds like dysphoria to me. Dysphoria isn't necessarily hating your body, sometimes it's just a disconnect from your body, which it sounds like you have? I get the same jealousy around other guys too.
Sounds like dysphoria yeah :/ It sucks, whenever i see myself in a mirror it'd take me a second to recognize myself and after that it'd be like "Oh, thats me?!" then i'd just get very depressed
ok, but what about the first part, I feel like thats more than just jealousy??????? thx for replies guys
some people actually consider jealousy of the bodies of cis people of the same gender as you a type of gender dysphoria called social dysphoria!
oh OK thank you so much. I haven't been able to find any other trans people with this same feeling, god you actually made my day
Yeah I get jealous of cis guys all the time. Partly because they have the right body, and also because I feel like being trans is holding me back from having the life I and because they're cis guys they can do it, if that makes any sense. Also most cis guys don't seem to want to hang out with what they see as a "mannish girl" so I don't have very many male friends offline.
do you consider that dysphoria? I can relate to all of what you said and I know how much it sucks so old in there man!(*hug*)
