Just to paint the picture of me a little better...I've been a tomboy all my life. I'd wear my hair in a ponytail 24/7, basketball shorts/cargo shorts/jeans, guys tshirts, everything like a guy just because that's how I feel comfortable. Even guys underwear! Lol I'm a boxer briefs type of person. Recently I cut my hair short and as soon as I did, I felt a little bit more comfortable with myself. Like it fit me better that way. Ok so I went out to dinner with my family the other night and as I was handing the waiter my glass to refill, he said "thank you sir". Now I heard him loud and clear but I don't think my parents or my siblings did but boooyyyy when he said that I felt almost embarrassed. I could feel my ears and my face getting red and hot. I played it off like nothing but internally it kinda didn't sit with me very well(idk why). Do you correct people when they do that? Or just let it go? I also have a thing about labels, at least when it comes to me. I don't like being called butch. If you looked at me and had to label me something it would most likely be butch. There's just something about it that I don't like. I feel like people who think you're butch think you're trying to become a man. For some that might be the case but for me, no. I'm a woman. I just like to dress in guys clothes because I'm not feminine, I don't feel comfortable in feminine clothes like I do in guys clothes. Idk if there's anything specific I'm askin in this post but for the ladies that have been mistaken for men, and anyone else who might have some thoughts or comments please feel free to speak your mind. Thanks
I don't get mistaken for a woman, and before I transitioned, I was understandably happy to be thought a man. I guess that isn't desperately helpful to you. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is dress how you feel comfortable, and correct people who make mistakes. Don't feel you have to prove your gender to anyone.
if it makes you uncomfortable, definitely correct them! they'll probably be more embarrassed than you. You can dress how you like. that doesn't make you butch if that term isn't for you. being misgendered in public really sucks!
I get it affair bit. Mainly at work since I work In the construction industry. Sometimes I correct them but it can make it worse because they reply with things like 'ohh well you look like a boy ' blah blah blah. Haha I'll admit it does get to me but I would rather be myself. So I just pretend that it doesn't affect me.
Hey Meech09, First of all, welcome to EC I get what you're saying. I, too, feel rather uncomfortable in overly feminine clothes. Some of my clothes are 'men's clothes' (and yay to boxer briefs, so comfy ), but most of my stuff comes from the women's section, but nothing is really feminine. And yeah, it's just the way I feel comfortable. The thing is, I'm comfortable with being perceived as somewhat masculine, as a not so girly girl. And I like that about myself, too. I don't want to be more feminine or girly. But it makes a total difference to be mistaken for a dude and kind of being called out for it... So yeah, that happened to me before, too, in a way. Or rather I got asked whether I'm a girl or a boy. Very awkward for me at that moment... I didn't really react, though, just left without really answering. So no, I didn't 'correct' him... I think I maybe would if I had to interact with that person more often, but since this was a onetime thing I didn't see why I should make myself feel even more awkward... (And since it doesn't happen often. I think if I constantly would be misgendered, I'd react a bit more forward...) Situations that really suck, in my opinion, though, are when friends or family do it. Those who've known you all your life. Like a view weeks ago I visited my mum's aunt and she said when I came in she thought 'who's that guy?' So yeah, she didn't know me with short hair, but come on, seriously? I mean I don't care what she's thinking, but saying it in front of everyone else was just unnecessary... Or my mum especially likes to do that, I think. Calling me a boy for not dressing feminine... It sucks. (Sorry for that personal rant...) At that time it really kinda freaked me out. I was still struggling pretty hard to figure out who I am, and I felt like if some people mistake me for a guy, then most others would based on appearance probably assume I'm a lesbian (stereotypes *sigh*), and that made me really uncomfortable... Now that I'm a bit farther with that internal struggle, I think I can also handle situations like that better, I don't know. Just because in general I feel more comfortable myself with the way I am, and therefore try to not bother so much about what other people might think... So if you yourself feel comfortable with what you're wearing and stuff, then keep on dressing like that. It's most important that you feel good about yourself, not others. They can go mind their own business... And if you want to correct them, do it. If you don't wanna, don't do it. It's totally up to you. As for labels, you don't have to label yourself anything. Just be yourself So, yeah, not sure if any of that helps, just my two cents
Eeek! I was misgendered only once when I was 10, bundled up in ski clothing so I understand the confusion. I didn't correct them at the time; if it happened to me again I would probably also not speak up because I'm awkward as hell especially when I'm thrown off. Maybe I'd say "I prefer 'ma'am'" or something, short and to the point to make them aware of it without embarassing them. As to "butch" referring to wanting to be a guy: this article actually asserts the opposite. A butch lesbian rejects a non-binary identity. I hope it doesn't offend non-binary people; her point is that just because she dresses masculine doesn't mean she doesn't want to be a woman, and her claiming of the word "butch" is as much about embracing her womanhood as it is about asserting her masculinity. But if you're not comfortable with "butch", because of all the stuff attached to that label, then you don't have to use it. I just thought it was an interesting read.
Yeah, it's definitely not your fault our society has stereotypes about how women should look like and what they're supposed to wear (sometimes I think we're living in 19th century). You should correct anybody anytime if it bothers you.
Thank yall so much for your input! I guess I dont correct people when it happens solely because the whole thing is rather awkward lol. I mean, I think its kind of obvious sometimes - I do have boobs and a big butt haha but I think people only see the short hair and the guy clothes. Being from Texas, I like to consider myself a gentlewoman. I still believe in chivalry; I'll open a door for a woman(or anyone just to be polite), I give up my seat for a woman, child, or an elder, i watch my mouth in front of a lady lol. Thats just the kind of stuff i was brought up to believe in(manners? lol). A lot of that can be perceived as stuff a man would normally do but im a woman, i feel completely natural/comfortable when i do all that. Idk how to explain the way I feel but i dont feel the need to be a man. Im just a masculine woman. Yea, i've used a strap on during sex or i've joked around saying it would be so much easier to have a penis so i could pee anywhere lol but i dont regret being born a woman. I dont wish i wouldve been born with a penis. I know thats kind of off topic haha but it feels good to connect with people who go through the same things i do. Thanks
I used to get that all the time when I was younger and my hair was short. I hated it, especially because at the time, I thought I was straight, and it was usually the case that people a) thought I was a boy, or b) thought I was a lesbian, and neither one of those made me happy. I always corrected them. The person who mistook you for male always ends up being more embarrassed than you are. Also, at restaurants, there were several times when I got free dessert or my meal for free because the waiter felt THAT bad about mistaking me for a guy. So even though it's annoying and hurtful and embarrassing, I would advise speaking up, because it's good to stand up for yourself, and it also has it's perks.
Well, back when I considered myself male, I actually felt happy that people assumed I was a woman. I suppose that's a bit different though because I'm trans*.
