This is just an observation I have made. I've been reading threads on here like the lipstick lesbians thread and everywhere else and I always see people defining femininity by how much make up a woman wears, how many heels she owns, how long her hair is and how many pink mini skirts she has. It's always 'I'm very femme I'm very into make up and wear heels every day', it's always about appearances. I'm only attracted to truly feminine women and when I say that, I mean innately feminine women. Femininity is all about your attitude, your way of thinking, your personality, your mannerisms, your interests. It happens to be that feminine women tend to feel comfortable in heels and in make up. I'm going to show you what I mean. Take Princess Diana, she was a classically feminine woman in every sense. You could tell she was innately feminine even if she was dressing tomboyish/masculine AND she had short hair. Still feminine An innately butch woman could try to wear make up, heels and a dress and grow out her hair but she would never come off as truly feminine. I guess I'm just frustrated that women's femininity is judged so much by what they wear and how long their hair is. When I say I want a feminine girlfriend I don't mean she has to buy a new pair of heels every day and then show it off on facebook, pouting in red lipstick in her pictures with her tits out. Yes, femininity is also about outward appearance but just because a girl isn't too high maintenance doesn't mean someone who is more high maintenance is any more feminine than her. The most feminine and delicate women tend to be those who are modest in their style and appearance.
Very well put, blueberrykisses. It's just easier to judge people quickly based on the first impression of that person's gender expression, which usually means making assumptions based on their outfit and makeup. But there's also a distinction I want to make here between high-maintenance and femininity: a girl can wear heels and makeup every day but be low maintenance. A girl can be masculine and be really into shopping and be high maintenance. Femininity of dress does not equal "she has to buy a new pair of heels every day and then show it off on facebook, pouting in red lipstick in her pictures with her tits out": that just means she's shallow. I think of someone "low-maintenance" as someone who can get ready in the morning and then not think about their appearance all day long, as well as someone who is okay leaving the house dressed down, without making a big deal about it. If someone is comfortable with their gender expression and are low maintenance, they can generally roll out of bed, throw on some duds and feel okay going about their day. It doesn't matter if that's jeans and a hoodie or a dress and some heeled boots. Hmm now that I think about it I take a lot longer than my femme straight roommate to get ready in the mornings... I'm the one trying on 6 tshirt/scarf combos and using 2 hair styling tools... I roll my eyes at myself pretty often... Anyways we have to stop thinking of femininity as shallow, frivolous, and high maintenance. Femininity has all these negative associations, and it's important even as a non-feminine human being to acknowledge that and move beyond that.
I completely agree with this!! I'm a very feminine woman (and maybe a little bit high maintenance) but the assumption that my femininity is totally to do with my appearance is a little offensive to me. There are a number of traits associated with a feminine personality, whether this person is a woman or a man. I know women who wear full makeup and heels everyday, but I would not consider them feminine because their personality and behaviour is more in line with traditional masculinity. Appearance is just a small part of a true feminine person.
I like that, its like "don't judge a book by its cover" only altered. What blueberrykisses and wanderinggirl illustrated seperately, just because they wear tons of makeup doesn't mean they're high maintenance and despite not wearing makeup, they can be feminine and so on. Blanket statements are dangerous, because everything is a spectrum, especially in this case.
Makeup and long hair? Guess I'm not femme anymore, by society's standards, anyway. Ellen wears makeup, and she's still considered butch, so why do femmes have to wear it? I have a bob hair cut (although I want to let it grow out again), and I don't wear makeup (I'm buying some sometime soon). My mother never taught me how to apply makeup, and I have sensitive skin, so it's a pain in the ass to find some that doesn't make me break out. Despite all of the eyelash pulling in my childhood, I have a fairly nice set of eyelashes. Masccara is out of the question, since it always looks terrible on me. I'm probably just going to buy some lipstick/lipgloss, foundation, blush, and eyeshadow. If someone has so much makeup on that you can't se their original face at all, it's extremely unattractive (unless there's an excuse, like cosplaying). FWIW, I consider myself a tomboy femme (due to my nerdy interests, crappy looking finger/toe-nails, and hatred of chick flicks) who is exclusively attracted to other tomboy femmes. P.S. Love the Princess Diana photos! The People's Princess was truely gorgeous. :icon_bigg
I agree so much, blueberrykisses! I grew up believing that feminine meant wearing high heels and makeup and being trendy and all thst, so I thought I wasn't feminine and didn't relate well to other girls. Turns out I'm very feminine in mannerisms and personality but enjoy dressing and acting like a boy, and have mostly male-dominated interests. fml
I agree with the op, but I think a lot of people mean when they describe femmes, is presentation in terms of outward appearance as the primary discerning factor. I know what you mean about the personality in regards to your example of Diana, a whole femme persona in addition to style. Myself and the type of girl I seek is a girl who appears femme in terms of fashion/hair/makeup/etc but is a little more masculine in terms of behavior than you describe.
For me I've always thought of femininity involving a certain emotional fierceness, but for some reason people tend to thing of passivity as more feminine. I think in the end an individual person can decide if they are feminine or masculine, other people's stereotypes shouldn't be such a big factor.
