So me and my friend started compiling a list of answers to some of the transphobic/obvious/intrusive questions people may have about me being trans, when college starts again next year, feel free to use them, or add your own Q: "Does he have a vagina?" A: "His crotch is a swirling vortex, that when seen will pull you into the void outside of time and space" Q: "So he's a girl?: A: "I can't tell you... It's classified. We've all had to sign confidentiality forms, something to do with Area 51 and the American government sorry" Q:"Is he trans?" A: "He is an ever changing orb of colour, this isn't even his final form" Q: "How do they have sex?" A: "Oh, he hasn't really mentioned it before, something to do with sacrificing a goat, I wasn't really paying attention" OR ALTERNATIVELY A: "They sit across a table from each other staring into each other's eyes as tentacles emerge from their nostrils and ferociously tangle between them. It's pretty hot."
I meant final form, I should go back and change that one, thanks for pointing it out If you have any, feel free to add some
Ha! this is a lot cleverer than I am about it usually. Gonna have to file that away as an option! These sort of conversations normally end with me telling the other person that they're being a nosy, disrespectful shitlord who needs to go back and start this conversation over after they've decided to treat everyone here like a human being.
Q. Well which genitals do you have? A. At least buy me a drink first. Q. How do they have sex, it must be something gross right? A. They don't believe in sex outside marriage to their partners, a midwife, thirty virgins and the spirits of their ancestors. If those conditions are met, only then may they begin their complicated courtship ritual, the details of which would blow your cisgendered mind. This is followed by the most butch partner becoming impregnated and biting the other ones head off to feed their newborn alien hellspawn. It occurs to me I put way to much thought in to that last question.
Q: "What do you have...you know, down there??" A: I have seven tentacles perpetually writhing around an all-seeing eyeball made of pure light. Each one vibrates with the energy specific to seven different planes of existance. Each one can grant you three wishes, but they're bound to do so only by the standard moral code of the plane of existance they vibrate on, so good luck if you pick the one that's chaotic evil! Q: "How do you have sex?" A: With a glass of absinthe and a little gusto. And preferably, not with you.
My answer, unless the person would benefit from my being nice, is usually "go fuck yourself with a cactus.
Q: (from a cis male) Sooo, do you like have a vagina?! A: Sooo, are you circumcised? Their eyeballs about fall out of their heads
Wow. I don't even know you, yet you sort of remind me of my older sister and her friends. (They're awesome.) This was really funny to read. XD
When a guy asks me if I have a penis I ask him if he is circumcised, sort of puts it into perspective for people.
Q: Sooo... are you a girl or a guy? A: I am a swirling vortex of dark energy, full of lightning and rage and stardust.
idk if this counts but when people misgender me in public, sometimes I'll misgender them back (if I'm feelin not-so-friendly). They usually take the hint quite quickly.
whenever people ask me about surgeries/hormones, i like to bombard them with questions about their medical history ("have you had your appendix removed? do you have both kidneys? when was your last prostate exam?")
Shared these with my daughter, who is a cis woman but occasionally gets misgendered or harassed for nonconforming gender expression. She loved them, of course.
