Hi, I am Temoshi. Though that is not my real name, I also go by the handle/code-name Serge. I don't feel like names hold any bias on me, and for the longest time I could care less if I play a male or female character on online games. I recently discovered I have been agendered for a long time. It was only recently I thought about how I never could decide if I could be called a woman or a man. Neither described me, and being called "young lady" really rubs me the wrong way. While I consider myself still beautiful and feminine, I do not place a gender on who I am, because I feel like either gender (male or female) puts me in a bad spot in society's little box, even though I still enjoy feeling feminine. Although I am currently struggling with the concept of having boobs. I am well endowed, but I am currently contemplating over having a flat chest. But before I get into that, I have never felt like I mold into a gender. While I am female, I find that the gender isn't bound to me. Inside I don't feel like I need to be confined to my body's sex/gender. In fact, it's been like that for me, I consider my asexuality a part of it. It is so much so that I refuse to ever get pregnant, and certain issues in society has prevented me from seeking out proper surgery for it. I don't want to get pregnant so much that I went for a tubial ligation, but the female surgeon I saw contradicted me, and said I would "change my mind". I struggle with this every day, and I never thought to seek out Agender, but then I found this post: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/65408-genderless-agender.html I relate to this post practically 90%, the 10% is that I feel feminine, but I don't feel like my hobbies and feelings connect as a woman. I don't even feel like a guy. In my highschool years, I wore baggy pants and loose shirts or sweaters. I was very aversioned to female clothing. While I was overweight, that had nothing to do with not wanting to wear feminine clothing. But at the time, feminine clothing made me feel like it connected the view on me as a female, and I didn't want that. While I was referred to as "like a dude", I didn't feel comfortable with that either. However it was better than being degraded for attempting to look pretty. Also the fact that I was bullied, and avoiding attention. Anyways, I don't always wear feminine clothing, but I'm okay with wearing skirts, however I find jeans just easier to wear, and more appropriate. But on to the whole boobs issue... I feel like I've had these boobs for a long time, and never really enjoyed them. So I feel like getting them removed for two reasons: a) I don't see a function to them as I am aversed to getting pregnant, so the sacs on me just gross me out to think that I still function as a f-ing baby-maker. b) I find they are non-functional when I'd like to get into more physical things, like perhaps I might consider going into something like American Ninja Warrior. However, I have thought about how not many women have these kind of breasts, but they do not make me happy. While they look very nice, and lovely, they are more of a pain to me than they are worth. So, with deciding, I have been looking into either binders or a mastectomy. The surgery is something I would go for, but it's permanent. I don't think I'll miss them over time, but I might regret it later. My boobs are kind of big, even when I lose weight to a healthy weight and they're a good size (weight gain makes them a size DD when they're a C healthy). But, since I am considering mastectomy, I am wondering if anyone else can give me advice. I do not believe I'll miss them that much, but I do think other people's views about me might change. I know that my personality won't change, as I do get along with good people and I am gaining my charisma. I am good to get along with, and I don't feel like people would view me any differently, however I guess some people I can't really tell what they would think of me otherwise. I guess it's on par with my Asexuality where I feel like they're a sexual part of me that implies something I am not, but that's only 20% of the fact of how I feel about them.
Well, if you don't see a use for them, I'd get rid of them. If you haven't been thinking about this for a while, I'd suggesting waiting a bit longer in case you do change your mind. After all, it would be a pain to regret something like that, so you want to be absolutely sure.
I really sympathize with your feelings about your chest. A lot of that is how I feel about my own. I would definitely recommend getting a binder. (Make sure you measure yourself and get it properly sized or it will be really uncomfortable or not work correctly) The first few times I wore my binder I was over the moon happy. I looked down and I was flat as far as the eye could see and it was amazing. I am a D as far as cup size so the fact that I could see my whole foot was hilarious to me! Wearing a binder isn't super fun, but it will definitely give you an idea of what your clothes will fit like, what your body will look like, what you'll feel like, etc if you decide to get surgery. It's worth the money to check out the binder first and really figure out if this is something you want to do before you're under the knife. This will also give you an idea of whether people with notice or react to that big of a change in your appearance. For me, most people didn't notice except one friend of a friend who asked about the change.
Thanks, it does sound like a good option to try a binder first to see what it would be like. At least it wouldn't be permanent, and I could find out everything. Also, I haven't been thinking about this for a long time, however for a long time I felt they were just unnecessary sacs of flesh to me. Also the struggle with bras no longer seems worth it. But yes, I will try a binder when I can.
If you think there's a chance you'll regret a masectomy in the future, why not just get breast reduction to a small size? It is very easy and relatively pain-free to to bind when, like me, you're an A (or even an AA for some makes of bra).
Definitely try binding on a regular basis for quite a while before you start to seriously think about surgery. Like Minnie, I would suggest maybe a breast reduction. A mastectomy is a pretty big deal and it's very permanent. If there's any chance you might regret it, it might not be such a good idea. Smaller breasts would be less inconvenient to you and would be easy to bind, and if you decide one day that you actually do want to have them, they will still be there.
This is a good point. Breast reduction, and then I could use binding if I want them flat. I do find they are too big, but I'm still thinking on it. Though I guess once I get a reduction, then I don't really care about a full mastectomy if I can just use a binder by then.
EDIT: However, to me I feel more like I'd rather get rid of them... to me the mammary glands are what really bother me.
