I have always viewed myself, especially in middle school, as identifying as both male and female. My physical body is female and I will admit that. I have never wanted to change my physical body and get a penis, etc. I just wish not to have periods, but everyone wishes that. I am very feminine. I mean everyone can instantly see, female when they see me. Even though I have short hair and I like the practicality of "mens" clothing. I have always believed that gender is not so easily narrow and not so easily defined as male and female. I have coined the term "I am a masculine woman, but a feminine man" I think all genders can adopt some characteristics of one another. I embody these characteristics. I wear "mens" clothing not because they are "men's" clothing, but because of the practicality they bring. "Men's" pants are easier to size. "Men's" shirt tend to have thicker material than "Woman's" clothes. Etc. I also find myself quite comfortable and feel more attracted in these clothes. But have found myself in a stalemate. Does a woman wearing "men's" style clothing mean I won't get a job? Is the reason why I cannot pass the interviews is because I am wearing a pair of slacks and a blouse? My family is telling me to dress more like a girl. My father told me I'd get more respect if I stopped dressing like a man boy. But I don't feel comfortable showing off my breast and my butt. I chose who I want to look at my body. And I chose when my body is objectified. I feel attractive and confident in my clothes. When has it become such a faux paus for a woman to be able to wear a button down shirt and a nice pair of slacks? All my clothes fit me. I wear Xtra Small to Small in the clothing I wear. It's all tailored and fits me. None of my clothes are baggy. I dress in a professional manner at work and wear t-shirts outside of work. I don't know what's wrong with me. Should I conform the way I express my identity to make society comfortable? But then I feel uncomfortable. The argument they tell me is, you're there to work and it doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable. But doesn't it? Self confidence and the way you feel about yourself is important in a job. If you're not confident in yourself, then you cannot convince anyone of something otherwise because they can tell you're uncomfortable. What do I do? Wear makeup and dresses when going to work and doing interviews? But that isn't who I am. Why must I sell my sexuality to get a job? Why must I make myself uncomfortable to make someone else comfortable? Why are we still in a world where people cannot simply be who they are? Why do we live in a world of shit slogans they teach children, "you're unique" and "you're an individual" and yet we don't really follow it? Is it easy for one to chameleon one's identity to get somewhere in society? I just discovered who I was and I am finally comfortable enough to say I am Gender Fluid. I am a person before a gender, but I am all genders in one. I am finally comfortable with buying the clothes I am buying. But from experience and from the things my family has told me. Should I dress to what society wants me to dress like? Or do I continue to be myself? People are people before they are gender. Why am I being judged by gender before the person?
Take it from a person who has taken bad advice and taken jobs they know they will not be comfortable with, it's not worth it. Workplaces are gendered, most jobs for young people (usually in some sort of customer service) they like to hire pretty young women, doesn't mean that they're going to treat you well or there's any chance of advancement. Guys get pissed off with how unfair this is too, but in the end most of the people on top are guys. There are jobs where they won't care about your gender. Cinemas can be good in my experience. These are usually the better jobs that you keep for a while I've found as well. Also you sound like a cool person don't change just because people don't understand you (*hug*)
I struggle with this sometimes as well. My workplace is casual but I struggle to look put together without resorting to blouses and heels. There are gender neutral things you can wear to interviews that look professional. V-neck sweaters over buttondowns, slacks, etc... As long as it fits you and looks put together. Unfortunately not every workplace is accepting of gender nonconformity, but maybe you just need to find a good balance between neutral pieces with masculine or feminine tailoring. In the meantime, at the risk of making you angry at the whole sneakily political idea of "professionalism", here is an interesting article from a GNC person who in my opinion looks quite professional. Their take on the issue of gender in the workplace is interesting. Why I'm Genderqueer, Professional and Unafraid | Jacob Tobia
Entirely agree. I wouldn't change, and we can't change our society to be more tolerant if we keep trying to fit ourselves into boxes.
