Help with gender identitiy?

Years ago (when I was a child), I didn't care about my gender identity... It was like "ok, I'm biologically a girl, so I'm going to live with it". But it was difficult, because society expects things and gives you a stereotype because you're biologically a girl. I had problems with my family because I wasn't feminine enough. In fact, being feminine is really upsetting for me. Whenever I use dresses or high heels, I feel bad.

Those days, whenever I dreamt about my future, I always imagined an old man, instead of an old woman. It was confusing, but I was a child, so I didn't pay attention to that.

Now, being a girl wasn't always bad, because there are some feminine traits that I like: Long earrings, liking cute things, long skirts... things that were related with the concept of feminine in society.

After much struggling, I finally got to accept that I felt better being masculine. My behavior was always related with masculine behavior: The way I talk, the way I walk... even my concept of and ideal body is masculine: I would love to be big and muscular, instead of the usual image of skinny women being beautiful.

Also, I developed some kind of breast dysphoria, and I'm really thinking of removing my breasts, because I can't stand them, they feel bad for me.

The thing is, most of the time, when I wake up, I feel masculine. But I have days where I feel feminine, and I even act more feminine than my usual masculine behavior.

I love when people tell me that I'm handsome, but I also like it when people tell me I'm beautiful.

It's getting really confusing to be me, because I don't know which way I should take. I always comforted myself by saying that I'm more me than I'm a gender.