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Buying Cloathing FtM

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ForAlgea, Aug 11, 2014.

  1. ForAlgea

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    A few days after I got the courage to come out to my best friend, we decided to go shopping to get clothing I could actually pass in, but I had a bad experience. Pretty much nothing I tried on at your average store fit me correctly, or flattered me. So I decided to go to a more expensive clothing store and just buy a lesser amount of better made clothing. I actually found that a lot of there clothing fit and looked good on me, but the sales-girl continuously harassed me the entire time I was there. She just kept coming up to me every three minuets and telling me things like I was in the wrong section of the store, nothing will fit me correctly here, I need to get something cut for girls etc. etc. and frankly, she was very condescending about it. I ended up not buying anything because I didn't want to give her commission after she had been rude to me.

    I can't order clothing online myself because my mother doesn't support me, but my friend said she would buy me what I need provided I pay her in cash for it. That sounds fine, but when shopping online I have no way of knowing how the clothing will fit me.

    In short, I'm wondering how other Transgendered people deal with snobby sales clerks, unflattering/not passable clothing, or ensuring a good fit if you buy online?
     
  2. jay777

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    #2 jay777, Aug 11, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2014
  3. wanderinggirl

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    Wowwwww. That sales lady was awful. Good for you that you didn't give her your commission. I'm trying to think of some snarky comments you could have responded with... I'll get back to you on that.

    Whenever I go into the men's section people are generally nice, even if they're a little surprised. Maybe try shopping at a store in an urban area where they are used to a big variety of customers. Thrift shops will probably be more gender-neutral as well.

    When ordering clothes online, stick to stuff you've either tried on in stores, or get a couple sizes of something and return the ones you don't want. As for stuff not fitting, get your clothing tailored or learn to tailor it yourself.
     
  4. ForAlgea

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    Wanderinggirl- Honestly, a big part of the problem is that I live in a farm town and it's a pretty long drive to get anywhere urban. I have family that lives in the city, but they would probably flip there lids if I went shopping in the men's department. (My cousin had a freak-show when she saw that I wore boxers).
    Do they charge a lot extra for shipping if you order and return extra sizes? Also, snarky comments are ALWAYS appreciated.


    jay777- We initially tried to just brush her off nicely she just kept coming back to us. Your right though, some people are just like that I guess.
     
  5. jay777

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    In some shops a few salespersons are like that... in other shops I had really nice talks because the personnel was bored and they were glad to chat a bit... it really depends on the person. :slight_smile:
     
  6. suninthesky

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    I have an amazon account. If you are a student you can get 2 day shipping for free, and my returns have been free if it's the wrong size. Very easy, just print out a piece of paper and tape it to the package. You do have to have a .edu email account though.

    I would honestly start with thrift stores. You can get a lot of different clothes to find your style and the changing rooms are often gender neutral. Depending on your body type I might have some clothes suggestions. For me, I usually wear 30x32 pants, which fit well if they're straight legged. If I want a pair of skinny jeans I'll get 32x32 so they're not tight through the hips.

    Also, in thrift stores people aren't likely to harass you. I've never had any problems.
     
  7. wanderinggirl

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    Some returns are free, depending on the website: I'm pretty sure Zappos, Topman, Gap, Nordstrom, Asos, and Amazon all have free returns. I wish I'd thought of that my first time buying Asos men's boxerbriefs; when they came they were the wrong size, and I was so nervous about having ordered them that I freaked out and threw them out instead of trying to repackage and return them. I'm an idiot sometimes.

    Anyways. Snarky comments. "Your FACE is in the wrong department!!" :thumbsup: Hmm except this isn't 1990... "We're in the right department, thanks." or "We'll come get you if we need your help." "I'm sorry do you not want commission?" You could also lie to get her out of your face and tell her you're shopping for a friend... though it wouldn't be nearly as satisfying. Or you could actually deal with the situation by asking to speak with the manager; though they might be just as conservative.
     
  8. ForAlgea

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    suninthesky- Okay, well I am a student so I will have to try Amazon. I'm actually thinking about going to a new thrift shop tomorrow that my friend told me had some very cool vintage stuff.

    wanderinggirl- "your FACE is in the wrong department" made me let out this really loud, obnoxious laugh and it is midnight here.
     
  9. clockworkfox

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    Ugh, what an awful sales rep! I would have blatantly got in her face with a "Do you want my money or not?"

    I didn't start shopping online until after I managed to get a few things in shops, and had a good sense of my measurments. Get a tape measure and take your own measurements. A lot of places online will have the specific item measurments listed in either inches or centimeters or both, which is incredibly useful when one manufacturer's small is anothers extra-small. I would definitely try to get pants in a shop first before ordering online. Men's pants tend to be sized pretty consistently - where women's pants are literally sized by voodoo (I had a size 4, a size 7, and a size 9 all fit me at the same point in time), I've found that I generally wear the same size in men's pants no matter where I shop.

    One thing that helps when shopping in stores is having a little confidence, even if it's fake confidence. People will bother you less right from the start if you look like you know what you're doing. If you're really getting unwanted remarks or weird looks, you can lie through your teeth and say you're shopping for a brother or a boyfriend. This can work even if you're trying things on - "he's about the same size as me, could I try this on? He's so lazy about returns, I'd like to try and get at least close to the right size...". If you do opt to lie, be consistent and don't over explain yourself, being too wordy will make your lie seem less honest, and more like a lie, which can raise suspicions and get a rude sales rep going again. If a cashier is giving you a hard time you could ask for a gift receipt at the register, or buy a birthday card with it if you're in a department store that sells them. Since I wear only guy's clothes anymore, I think I'm past the point of getting away with this sort of excuse, and I've never used it, but if it keeps people from getting in your face while shopping...I've known people that resorted to lying, but you do need to be able to sell it by being confident and non-chalant if you want to turn a rude sales rep into a helpful one.

    Thrift stores are great because nobody tries to help you shop there, and the dressing rooms are gender neutral about 99% of the time. But they are hit and miss. You can go and find nothing that fits, or a sea of things that fit and are awful. If you're up for it though they're a lot of fun and you can find some really crazy stuff there. It's not all used either, I've found things new with tags for a fraction of their original cost. You need to be persistent with thrift shops but they can be fantastic.
     
  10. Ada M7

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    OP: My last interaction with a rude store clerk:

    "Would you kindly stop harassing me." Loud enough for the manager to hear, followed up with me walking out the door.

    With that said, I buy from Amazon and other women's websites because that kind of embarrassed me (I was looking at colorful shirts). It's far more frustrating than shopping for men's clothing because my size ranges from a L to a 2XXL... In Men's I am a medium in everything... Srsly lol...

    Vanity sizing isn't really a thing for men, as no one cares much about their waistline as much. So a Medium shirt will almost always be 38-40 chest size. While a 32inch waist will almost always equal a 32xY pant size. I've found Levi's to run a bit small, so I size up on them, but I sized equal with say GAP slacks. On most occasions it's just a quick return for one size up or down.
     
  11. Nemo39122

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    wow, that sucks! I'm really sorry you had that kind of experience right after coming out...I hope it didn't put too much of a negative shadow over everything.

    As for me, I do almost all of my shopping at Walmart or sometimes Target. I never really get any crap from sales people there, I guess because of the type of store they are. I mean, they're probably not thinking about helping you pick the perfect new outfit at Walmart. Also it could be the fact that I pretty much always wear men's or very neutral clothing anyway, even when not binding...so I'm probably seen as a stereotypical lesbian shopping for clothes.
    ...OR when I'm looking in the boy's section for shirts, people probably think its for a younger relative or something. Lol

    My advice would be to just keep trying. Maybe once you start to have a better idea of what feels/looks good on you, it'll be possible to shop at average stores. Either way, when sales people start to annoy you about it you could try saying something like "I know what I'm looking for, thanks" or even use an excuse like you're shopping for a male relative.
    Good luck