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Agender or trans...so much confusion!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by stardaze, Aug 12, 2014.

  1. stardaze

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    I've been having a lot of trouble trying to figure out my gender identity. I am AFAB but have never really felt I fit in as a girl. Any time I tried to be a girl I felt just that way...that I was trying to be something I wasn't. I was looking at transgender first, because I do feel more comfortable presenting as a boy. I feel more confident and less dissonant from myself. I worry though that if I transitioned I still would not be happy. I've never been happy with how I look. I avoid mirrors and rarely take pictures. Sometimes when I put on makeup to be like a girl, I end up crying. It doesn't look or feel right on me. I don't look like myself if that makes sense.

    And then searching for more information, I came across the term agender. I didn't think about that before, identifying as neither. That way the person could express themselves however they wanted. It's not that I'm looking for the easy way out or anything. I'm just trying to find out how I really feel inside. I don't want to rush into a decision and then regret it later. I'm glad that I found a new possibility. I'm not sure yet if it fits me or not.

    Does anyone have any thoughts to contribute or advice? I'm very confused and my piles or research keeps coming up in more confusion...
     
  2. Nick07

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    I would say, stop doing research and keep trying different things. Explore what makes you feel good and avoid what doesn't.
    I doubt the research would help you. Even trans and agender people differ a lot.
    It will take time, but your life is not a race, you can take it as slowly as you need. Don't look for a label. We haven't been born to fit a certain label. The labels were set AFTER we were born. It's natural that many times they don't fit well.

    ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2014 at 11:11 AM ----------

    and welcome to EC :slight_smile:
     
  3. SomeLeviathan

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    for what it's worth, agender/genderless/neutrois etc fit under the transgender and genderqueer umbrellas. However, transgender is also an identity in its own right.


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  4. stardaze

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    That's some good advice. I keep thinking I'll find something and it'll click and make sense. It doesn't always work like that though. I had no idea how many words fit into the transgender category. I suppose I should have used the word transsexual instead.

    I've seen so many transsexual people talk about how they either knew their rightful gender all along or they knew they didn't fit in but couldn't come to terms with why right away. A lot of people go through denial. I am wondering if this denial or just a healthy exploration before a (potentially big) decision. Only I can figure it out. Talk about pressure...
     
  5. AlexTheGrey

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    There's no reason you have to figure it out on any set schedule either. Even if it is denial, will it really change what you will do? Either way you are talking about trying to find and become comfortable with a part of yourself that you either didn't know about, denied, or are just curious about. It is still healthy exploration in all of those cases.

    There is no one path through this, really. If you want to take a bit of time to understand yourself a little bit better, go for it.

    I am not trying to convince you of anything, but pointing out more possibilities. Expression and identity don't need to be so closely tied together as you suggest, although one could probably say it usually is. Crossdressers are an interesting example. They would likely say they identify as the same gender as their sex, but their expression certainly doesn't match. But then you have folks who will crossdress because of their identity as well.

    I'd focus a bit more on what works best for you, and what description you'd use to convey that idea to others. Ignore what label it falls under, and feel free to explore in order to get a better handle on who it is that you are.
     
  6. stormborn

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    take your time. experiment with gender expression a little. figuring yourself out takes a lot of thought, and try not to get caught up in it and pressure yourself.

    personally, i don't know if i really am male, or if i am agender or something in the middle. but i would rather be seen and treated as male, along with some physical attributes that i would rather have. so i label and present myself as male.