Figuring Out if I'm Non-Binary: Questions on Experimentation

Hello,
I'm also (sort of) still in the questioning boat, also aiming mostly at being demigendered as well, so I might have similar feelings.

I sort of view and treat my gender identity and expression as two separate things that are somewhat related. In my personal experience, even though I feel mostly agendered with some male mixed in there, I still have a desire to express mostly masculine (with a touch of androgyny). Seems kinda flipped around, right? What I'm trying to get at here is that it is possible to be both feminine and not a girl, a girl but neutral, etc, etc. I don't think there is a great need for pin-pointing your gender, but I find that it helps to figure out what direction you want to go in for the future.

I can really relate to feeling as if I do not have a gender at all sometimes too, just because for me, these feelings of gender are so very vague, which led me to the 'label' of demiguy. But I also agree that something like genderqueer could easily fit too, by your description (my personal opinion, so take this with a grain of salt here).

I can completely relate to the feeling of "running around in circles" during questioning. I don't see anything wrong with coming out as questioning, although I'd be slightly concerned about not being taken seriously. There is no way to be sure coming out will help you with experimentation, depending on circumstances. But my best advice would be to only ever come out when you are ready and the time is right, if you can't handle it at this time, then I probably wouldn't.

Have you tried experimenting in private?
Years back, before I got my hair cut really short (Since you mentioned hair) I pinned my hair back in a way to "preview" what it could look like and how I'd feel about it. If you feel like you could handle it, you could start with a pixie to ease yourself into it (depending on the style you're aiming for). If you end up not liking it in the end, your hair can always grow back. Not sure what to say about the binding thing, because I used to use bandages and DO NOT do that, I only used them because at the time I didn't know any better. You could try more neutral clothing. An excuse that I used for dressing as a boy was for cosplay at anime conventions that I attend every year, no coming out required (Not saying that my behaviour wasn't questioned, but still).
So there's that, if you're interested in that type of thing.

Not sure about books, so I can't help you out there, but I guess there's youtube for stories about the journeys of non-binary folk too... if that is what you are looking for. I find that listening to people of various different identities can help me reflect and help identify how I feel better on the gender front. I don't think there can ever really be an accurate word or label to describe everyones' each and individual unique feelings (or lack of) of their gender, so I don't believe in a "perfect fit".

Not sure how helpful this is, but good luck. :]

 

You're a very articulate 14 year old, SeaMist! Thanks for posting. You don't need, I believe, to tell anyone anything about your identity other than perhaps that you're questioning it. You don't have to put yourself into easy boxes for other peoples sorting. I wish you luck in exploring who you are.