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androgynous (?) and body dysmorphia

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by colour, Aug 16, 2014.

  1. colour

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    colour
    binichodernicht

    hey you all, i have a question that i am thinking about for weeks and it freaks me out because i want to know who i really am and want to find others who feel like i do

    i feel like either i would like to be or i am androgynous, if you know what i mean by that. i do have a female body and a lot of feminine traits but i never felt like a real girl nor a woman. when i was little i was very surprised that all the girls said they would hate to have a male body, because i didn't care if mine was male or female. i would proably feel a little weird in both bodys, male or female. i did and still do feel like i either don't have a gender or i am in between of girl and boy. i would love nothing more than to have a girls body without feminine aspects, so to say. not like androgynous people who for example like to have a beard and breasts, but like someone without both.
    also, i am struggling with body dysmorphia and anorexia (probably also because i would like to look less like a woman)

    my question now is, do i have body dysmorphia because i am androgynous and struggling with my female body, or do i want to be androgynous because i want to be somebody different than myself as i hate myself because of the body dysmorphia?

    complicated, i know
    thanks
     
  2. Kai LD

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    Those are questions any person who has gender issues would wonder about. You should explore your thoughts about what you want and how you feel about it. It's an individual determination for you what you are and want. Hope that is useful in some way. Thanks for posting.
     
  3. Evil Kitten

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  4. Tai

    Tai
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    If you feel awkward being masculine and feminine, you sound kind of agender, meaning you don't have a gender... But if you want a female body... I'm not sure what to say. You sound agender, but... By "in between male and female," do you mean you feel like neither, or both?
     
  5. ctrl alt delete

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    This was a very good article. Thanks

    @colour I want to say I can relate to what your going through about being confused and wanting to look androgynous. I'm struggling with pretty much the same thing.
    since I've started to be more accepting of who I am I've noticed a lot of what I would call gender dysmorphia that I think has always been there, especially regards being hairy and looking masculine because I've never felt very masculine. I spent a lot of time hating myself because I couldn't live up to what society expected of me before though.

    I've also developed what I would call body dysmorphia as well as I try to present as more androgynous, especially about my high forehead and my belly. It wouldn't go as far as anorexia but I'm really aware of my weight suddenly and can be really uncomfortable about even though I'm pretty skinny.

    So in answer to your question. Could it be possible your going through some combination of both?

    Hope this helps, I don't really know that much about these things but as I said I can relate.
     
    #5 ctrl alt delete, Aug 16, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2014
  6. Kai LD

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    Fairly positive that anyone can have both to some degree. I believe I do. The description about funhouse mirrors is spot on. Sometimes I am viscerally repulsed by my own image, it makes me feel sick.
     
  7. Minnie

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    To me it sounds like you hate having feminine features. Would you like to have a vagina etc but no breasts?
     
  8. colour

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    thanks for all your answers!

    "by in between male and female, do you mean you feel neither, or both?"

    well i am not sure, to be honest. sometimes i feel like neither and sometimes like both…

    "Could it be possible your going through some combination of both?"

    hmm yes, probably… oh and it is really nice to see that there are others who go through very similar things and that i am not alone!

    "To me it sounds like you hate having feminine features. Would you like to have a vagina etc but no breasts?"

    yes i do hate it, and no its not about breasts but about everything thats feminine. though i sometimes like to wear feminine clothes, but i just don't want to be sexual i guess

    (sorry if my english is kind of confusing, its not my native language)