Since moving, I've been labeled as a girl pretty much all the time. I never pass anymore. I went back to being closeted and freakishly shy. I don't want this to happen anymore, but since I'm in a new town and don't know anyone, I've been doing what's safe. And what I consider safe is being feminine and awkward since that's what I'd been for most of my life. Anyway, I feel like I can't be a man around my in-laws and my coworkers. I thought I'd feel better coming up here since it would be a chance to start over, but I think it's actually worse. I started work, and I was just instantly lumped in with a group of girls. I can't seem to make any guy friends. I even went so far as to put my correct gender on Facebook, and even though a lot of people have added me, no one's said anything. No one. I'm not even sure if that's good or bad, but it kind of pisses me off because I'm on my sister's profile as her "sister". My pronouns are all male on Facebook, too, but everyone still just knows me as a girl. I don't know what to do. I know I can't get fired from my job for coming out, but I seem to always find myself surrounded by homophobic, conservative women who expect me to be a heteronormative girl even though I show no interest in doing so whatsoever. I seriously just don't understand! I've realized it doesn't matter if I come out or not. People either don't believe me or don't take it seriously. So that has made me not want to try. It also doesn't help that I'm kind of scared to pass because if I'm in public with my in-laws and I pass, things could get very awkward very quickly. If someone refers to me as "sir", they'll either get very quiet or "correct" said person. I don't know what to do. I'm very confused, and I don't know what to tell anyone. I don't even know if I should tell anyone. I like my job, and I recently applied for a higher-paying position within the company. But there are so many female machine operators that I'm afraid I'll instantly get lumped in with them. I don't know if, when I get a smock with my name on it, if I can get a different name put on it, like Jay or something, but I have a feeling I missed my opportunity to come out in the first place since I just finished my second week at that job. Sorry this is so long, everyone. I really need help. I don't know what to do. I don't have any real friends up here. Even if I did, I'd be afraid to hang out with them. I'm having problems, and it doesn't help that I still need to find a new therapist. Thanks. :help:
I'm guessing your sister thinks you're cis? If not, ask if you can be switched to "brother". I have also posted my gender as male but only 1 person has noticed, and even my family are sending me stuff thinking I'm a girl (I got a drawing of a fairy girl... it did look like me but still). Perhaps if you "like" some trans pages, talk about trans issues on your statuses, people will add the dots. If you feel it wouldn't jeopardise your job, maybe you can report any homophobia from your co-workers. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your work. How long have you been in your new job? Better late than never to try and make male friends. If you're nervous about saying you're trans but still want them to know, just be as boyish as you are. Don't put up with something you're not happy with! For the people who don't take you seriously: you can try standing your ground and making it clear you are a guy. If they still don't listen, they aren't worth it. Why are you not wanting to let your in-laws know you're trans, if you're okay with me asking? If being "in the closet" is making you uncomfortable, get out of it and tell people you're a guy. It's better than working around others' expectations 24/7. And as for your promotion: don't let fear hold you back. You don't know if that's going to happen. Either way, be assertive. You haven't missed a chance to come out. Even if you'd been there for years you will always have the option to do so.
I've been at my current job 2 weeks. I'm getting tired of packing, though, (Oh, the irony.... :rolle: ), so I'm trying to move to a machine operator position. I'm afraid to tell my in-laws because we're currently living with my father-in-law and his girlfriend who are both very religious and homophobic. Our other relatives up here don't have room for us, and we don't have money for an apartment yet. I think my mother-in-law might understand, and maybe my sister-in-laws, but I'm not sure. I do think that perhaps working around a different group of people in the new position will give me a chance to make my general guy-ness known. ---------- Post added 16th Aug 2014 at 08:58 PM ---------- Awe, Kasey.... (*hug*) I've missed you. I hope that both of us can find the courage to live our lives as we knew we should.
Aw, I really don't know what to say. I would suggest doing whatever you did to come out in the first place, and in the meanwhile, settle down. Hopefully, whatever you did will work again. I think the reason you're stressed is that you missed your opportunity to be accepted, or at least acknowledged, as trans* off the bat, but don't let that bother you. As for your workplace, I honestly don't know. You actually can, unfortunately, get fired in most states if you're trans*, but I don't know if Ohio is one of them. I think that once you get more used to it, you can decide what to do.
