Hhas your sex life been affected since finding out you are trans and how do you manage when your dysphoria is really bad? Because since coming out to my boyfriend our sex life has become a little bit non existent, it's my fault because I feel quite dysphoric, and I feel bad because I can't really give him what he wants, advice? At the moment we're discussing the paradigms of that particular aspect of our relationship and he's more than happy to say sex is off the table if it'll make me happy, but I'd feel bad. He says he feels bad when he's horny because he doesn't know if I want to have sex or not. But he shouldn't, sex and arousal is a natural thing and he shouldn't feel bad. I'm thinking of suggesting an open relationship to him, because I feel horrible that I can't give him what he wants/needs, but I know it'd kill me inside, but as long as he's happy.
Well, seeing as I've known I was trans since elementary school I'm afraid I really can't answer the first part of your question, but as for dysphoria personally I just focus on my partner when I am feeling too dysphoric to receive anything. Does his genetalia cause you to feel dysphoric or is it just you personally that you don't really want to deal with anything down there? Because if you're fine with his junk you could always just mess around with him and take your genetalia out of the equation. Or hey, ask what he's comfortable with and maybe invest in some toys. And, really, if you two have a good relationship and he says he doesn't mind not having sex you should believe him! Good luck dude
If you would be unhappy with an open relationship then I don't think you should suggest it. Try looking for another alternative first.
I asked if he wanted to be in an open relationship and he said "I'd rather wait to have sex with you, even if it's once a year, than sleep with someone else, I love you too much" and it made me cry, I know he doesn't mind not having sex, but I feel bad. We have a bullet and a vibrator and try with those, but sometimes I feel so dysphoric I curl up in a ball and can't do anything (But that could be down to my ex, he was rather abusive and taught me no doesn't mean no)
Ok... now one thing might be seeing an orgasm as a pleasurable experience and maybe a source of energy... it might include pleasing each other and caressing each other etc, taking it slowly from there... you might create intimate moments here... There are tools called magic wands and smart wands (battery powered). You might want to look up a few customer experiences from both sexes. Some reports are available of people using them together. They are very powerful (yet pleasing), use at your own risk and don't overextend yourself.
I totally understand you dude, I've had problems with the same exact things (Including the abusive ex thing) and it took a while to work though. I've found using a longer vibe that you can sorta hold onto like a dick and absolutely no penetration is what is the lest dysphoria causing. But really, don't stress out about it. There is no need to have sex in a relationship, and it's gonna be frustrating but eventually things will work out and you'll find what you're comfortable with. Don't try and rush it.
