How did you realize you were trans?

I'm glad you figured it out too For me I basically looked over my childhood and remembered how I used to insist I was a boy, dress like a boy, act like a boy, think about sex changes etc... when I was 7. As I got to secondary school I repressed those feelings in order to fit in with other girls... yeah that didn't go so well. I experienced really bad self esteem issues with my body that I now know is called dysphoria. I suffered from depression (and still do tbh) and I didn't know why I felt so bad until I caught myself dreaming about being male again. I also realised that it wasn't normal to want to be a boy so badly and I looked it up and found this new word to describe my situation, trans. I'm still coming to terms with it.

 

I have always felt different but i never knew why until i discovered what transgender was so i thought i fit under the trans* umbrella rather nicely. Thats how i discovered. ^.^

 

Oh my god, I can relate so so so much to you. Same for me. Just a few days ago I remembered how I told my best friend in 6th grade that I would get a sex change when I was old enough. Also I struggled with extreme dysphoria the past few years, knowing what it is made it a bit easier (not getting a binder made it harder though). And my dysphoria actually worsened my social anxiety disorder.

 

When I realized I couldn't bury the feeling of wanting to be female.

Tried time and time again. At some point I was like... Fuck it. This who I am and I need to recognize that.

 

I remember at age 6 trying to convince my best friend I had to be male because I had a low voice and acted like a boy. Dysphoria sucks, I can't get a binder either - I'm not out - and I'm really really uncomfortable without one. Hopefully one day... I'm really sorry that you had bad experiences with social anxiety and dysphoria - I can see how that would make things worse in a social situation. If you need to talk, message me

---------- Post added 20th Aug 2014 at 06:34 PM ----------

I admire your courage so much... It's really a beautiful thing that you can accept who you are ... I'm still trying :/.

 

I went through 2 years of thinking I was genderfluid, I thought this at the start of year 11 and came out at the end of the year, when I knew I wouldn't see anyone again because I was going off to college. I was fine with this because I didn't really have too much dysphoria, I mean, it was there, but I could ignore it.
Then I started college last september, and I got a boyfriend in October, 3 months later I came out to him as genderfluid and he bought me a binder for christmas, he was completely fine with it.
Then I started to have more 'guy days' than 'girl days' back in about April, I wasn't out to my mum so I couldn't wear my binder at home, I felt awkward wearing it at my boyfriends when his parents were around and I could only wear it occasionally because my dysphoria wasn't so bad I relied on it.
I thought I'd settle down and I'd go back to my feminine self, like I did last year, when I went through a period of only being masculine. But I didn't. My dysphoria started to get worse and I hated female pronouns and my birth name (But everyone at college knows me as Ali anyway) I did a lot of research, i was in a lot of denial and I had so much internalised transphobia. I started talking to someone on Tumblr about it who just so happened to go to my college before I started, and left when I joined. I started talking to him about things, I went online as male to see what it was like, I joined Empty Closets and a Facebook group to learn more about my gender identity, and eventually, I accepted it and I was alright with it. I came out to my mum in June, cut my hair in July and came out to all of my friends last week sometime (A few of my really close ones already knew) everyone was and is so supportive, and I couldn't have done it without them.
Now I'm experimenting with my gender identity, I'm going to get more masculine clothes, started trying to contour my face to pass in public and as of today I have a packer on its way to me

 

When I was young I'd sometimes dress up like a boy and get my parents to call me Alex, mum would draw a moustache on my face using eyeliner pencil

 

When I learned that someone I graduated with was a gorgeous woman now (good looking guy in picture) I felt admiration and a massive envy. That told me I obviously hadn't really let go of the old longing to be something that externally I was not.

 

I was wondering if I was bisexual when I came to EC because I had a crush on two girls. I was uneducated in terms of LGBT-everything, and I only knew that there was a gay, lesbian, and bisexual sexuality; I didn't know anything about transgendered stuff. When I realized I wasn't straight, I stuck to this forum and also checked out the gender forum, where I learned about gender identity. I've been questioning myself ever since, but it's getting clearer and clearer. When I first found out that people can feel gender dysphoria, can feel like they don't belong with the gender they were assigned, I felt this sudden realization that that might be what I was feeling all through elementary, middle school, and my first two years of high school, when I was showing a bunch of signs of being transgender and had identified as a tomboy the majority of the time. I'd been confused why tomboys still thought they were girls and didn't want to be a boy. I thought I was the only tomboy who wanted to actually be a boy.

 

It's such a basic thing I never think about it, but... Not ever do I refer to myself mentally in male pronouns. It feels wrong, and honestly makes me feel a little sick. Always has.

 

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FELT. I even share the "I forgot about this until recently" part. :lol:

I actually think this is how I first found out about how penises looked like. I kept thinking my vagina was a penis or something. I don't know. But holy fuck, I remembered being so disappointed when I first saw a dick, and I didn't even know why.

As for me, I don't know. I didn't realize I was trans until the beginning of this year, I think, and before that, although I have felt male for as long as I could remember, I felt some sort of disconnect to transgender people. It didn't occur to me that a transgender person could be a kid like me, and it felt and still does feel entirely too unbelievable that I, myself, could be trans.

 

Through counselling and mindfulness meditation and basically just getting away from a lot of shit I'd been putting up with for years I finally realised I had this really strong female part of myself I'd been repressing. It seems obvious that it was always there looking back. I always knew there was something I was running away from, I think it was obvious to other people around me too.

 

It's a cliche, but it's been something I've always dealt with, even when I tried to bury it.

 

No. It's not.

I have always tried to bury it until the past 8 months.

 

Couldn't have said it better.

 

I hope the trans folks don't mind me replying here, as I am happy keeping my male body; but, what I found halfway through the journey of discovery of this year, was that I often slip into these feminine feelings - especially when aroused. It feels very liberating. And lately, when I dance, my moves are feminine, also. Although I recall, I always wanted to be able to express what is, to be honest, my rather androgynous nature all my life, but it was only after coming here for a while, did I begin to allow this aspect of myself to shine forth whenever it wished to. I now choose clothes that highlight the slender shape of my body - I no longer feel the need to try to look 'tough' or 'muscly'. I don't mind that folks can see I'm not a regular male, I actually like it. Anyway to answer the original question, well I always looked longingly at some of the beautiful tops women can get to wear, and rued the fact that the selection for guys seemed so boring and plain by comparison...I mean why can't we guys also have velvety textured materials, ornate and tasteful patterns fgs, and those kind of half see-though, half opaque tops (I could go on, but you get the idea :lol. And I have always felt quite androgynous, I just didn't have a name for it, neither was I totally accepting of it (I kept thinking, "I must try to be more manly, more tough, more masculine!") But as for 'how' the acceptance began, well it was during sexual arousal, that I realized 'this aspect of myself is so beautiful...' :redface: And not long after, I gave up fighting it any longer, and joyfully embraced it. <3

 

I can totally relate to what your saying here. I also get that feeling of just being natural, or being beautiful even when I embrace that female part of myself. Its hard to put into words.