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Will I ever fall in love?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by imjustaperson, Aug 22, 2014.

  1. I was assigned female at birth, but I identify as agender since I feel like neither a female nor a male and the concept of gender doesn't really make sense to me.

    I am attracted to guys. The problem with this is that most guys are straight, and attracted to women who look, feel, and act like women. If I was in a relationship with someone like this, there would be a lot of deception and a lot of pretending involved. How could I accept the fact that someone liked me for something I may look and seem like, but am actually not? I'm not a woman. I'm not even comfortable with my female anatomy. Sometimes I even entertain the thought of getting a mastectomy, but aside from expense, I'm afraid I'd never find love after that because the percentage of guys who wouldn't care that I didn't look like a woman is very small. I also worry about being shunned from society.

    I think I can live with the anatomy I've got. I would just hate to think that a partner liked me for a body that only irritates me personally because it doesn't reflect who I am inside (cue the Mulan song).

    I usually dress pretty un-feminine and neutrally, but sometimes wear a little makeup. I never wear short shorts, spaghetti-strapped tank tops, or figure-hugging clothing because I don't want to emphasize something that only seems to distort who I really am in others' eyes. Sometimes I fear that by being myself in this way, I am sabotaging my chances of a relationship. I've met straight guys, gay guys, and bisexual guys, but I've never met a guy (who was interested in women) who would date a neutral-looking, neutral-feeling person. Or maybe I have and just never knew it. I've actually never dated before. So, is my outlook overly pessimistic or pretty accurate?
     
  2. ctrl alt delete

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    I've been having similar questions myself recently and posted a similar thread but didn't get much response. . . I think that the general consensus I've got from talking to people though is that I'm being overly pessimistic.

    I think it's easy to say that you're never going to find someone cause you're so "different" I think it's something everyone says to themselves sometimes. Obviously it's harder in some cases than others, not always for reasons of gender or sexuality. :confused:

    But I think that you need to learn to love yourself first and if you want a partner don't take someone who won't do the same. It's not easy to find love.(*hug*)
     
  3. AlexTheGrey

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    Sometimes, I get confused by the people who turn my head. I can't tell which biological sex they are, but they get me to totally drop whatever I'm thinking for just a second. An androgynous look is rather sexy to me. It feels kinda weird to admit to it. I also like more feminine bio-women, but there's just something about it. I'm sure that bio-men who feel the same way exist.

    And I can understand the anxiety of not knowing how a relationship will play out, but it feels like at some point, you just have to find out. It may not work, it may work out better than you expect. But I really have nothing to add that contradicts ctrl alt delete, here.

    The one person I'm out to with my gender is my partner, and she's been a lot more accepting than I expected. Even then, I find myself worried and hesitating with each new step, that it will be the one to break the camel's back. It is hard to stop the thoughts from coming, but we can keep working through them.
     
  4. Hmm. Well, it's good to know that there are people out there who don't really care about blatant femininity in bio females. Sometimes I'm led to believe this is the only way to attract someone, what with celebrities like Nicki Minaj and plastic surgery and all that crap. People will go to such great length to exaggerate the physical manifestations of their sex (females particularly), it makes me wonder if maybe that's the only way to find someone (I LIKE looking androgynous so that's a depressing thought, that my natural tendency makes people disregard me). I've heard guys talk about that kind of stuff like it's all they look for in someone who's biologically female. Sometimes I'm afraid that's what they all look for.

    I mean, I'm not one of those people who gets their validation from society. Really. The thing is, I would just like to have a relationship somewhere down the line and I don't want to sabotage my chances.

    ---------- Post added 24th Aug 2014 at 02:33 PM ----------

    Plus, so far, just being myself hasn't gotten me anywhere. I've never even held hands before. But I don't want to have to be fake and pretend to be someone I'm not. And I have yet to meet a guy in real life who doesn't have a strong preference for tight dresses and high heels.

    ---------- Post added 24th Aug 2014 at 02:35 PM ----------

    *Who likes bio females
     
  5. jay777

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    Maybe giving it all less worry...
    if you feel more comfortable with yourself, that radiates out...
    you will attract the right people in time...

    If you look around, you can find examples for all kinds of relationships.

    You might have a look at lgbt people, for example, or at openminded people in general...
     
    #5 jay777, Aug 24, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2014
  6. I can't be comfortable with myself, though. I have really intense gender dysphoria and I don't know what to do about it. I can't change people's perceptions of me as long as I have this body.
     
  7. MrK21

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    I happen to know a guy. He is sitting right here. If only you weren't under age <3
     
  8. Oh lol. Yeah, also, the Internet isn't really where I'd go to find a relationship.
     
  9. Not trying to be rude, it's just kind of risky.
     
  10. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    a dog will love you always, but can you love it back