So, today my mother called me out into my kitchen. I had recently expressed to her that I did not want to wear makeup to school, nor did I want to wear a dress to the homecoming dance. She told me that she feels that she is watching me transform into somebody that I am not. What she doesn't know is that I am questioning my gender identity and I want to experiment in public to see what feels right. "I can't believe you Cierra! You want to take away all femininity. You want to be something that you're not! You want to be the masculine one in the relationship and that isn't who you are!" I tried explaining to her that I am allowed to play around with my look. "The only reason you don't want to wear makeup is because you're lazy! You don't want to put in any effort into how you look!" I told her that there are plenty of women who don't wear makeup. I asked her why I have to cake chemicals onto my face if I don't want to. "What, are you having some sort of identity crisis? Are you gonna tell me that you were 'born in the wrong body?' Are you trying to tell me something? Because that's ridiculous. You're a girl." I would like to tell my mom that I am questioning my gender identity but, apparently that isn't going to happen.
Wow. This is absolutely amazing, and now I want to grab your mom and scream into her face. I'm sorry. If you ever decide to come out to her, I wish you the best of luck, and hope she's understanding or at least will come around. (*hug*)
Thank you so much. I'm definitely going to wait a while before telling her. But I really appreciate your love and support.
Stay strong, kiddo. If you're out to your mom, try to give her a little more time. I feel you when I say that the wait can be a major pain in the ass. I "implied" it to my mom nearly four years ago and the hostility didn't exactly simmer until maybe a few months ago; but now things seem golden and fine. There is some minor pronoun slippage, but I think she's getting it that I'm her son and I always have been. I recommend having alone time with your mom to discuss things. You aren't changing who you are at your core. You're still the same person, and that isn't going to go away. Just because the vessel that houses your soul might be a bit different, it doesn't mean you yourself are becoming a completely different person. That's something I wish more people understood. I think that's what worries parents the most at the end of the day; that we're just a bunch of rebellion teenagers who want to make bold and rash decisions like partying on school nights and that you'll face problems with a society that might have a problem with you. Supposedly, my mom was worried about me being made fun of in public when I go out with my beard; when I passed and got sir'd when I had an anniversary dinner with my fiance back in June--when it seemed she was the only one that had an issue with it. I wish you the best, be strong kid (hair ruffles). You always have us if you need anyone to talk to.
It sounds like she may be catching on, and assuming that you are FtM. So, she actually could be going through the stages of loss without you coming out to her at all. If this is the case, she could hopefully come around with some time. Stay strong
I've heard almost all of these myself multiple times, too. I can totally relate. :/ Things will get better. She will slowly start to yell about them less. Maybe she won't accept it soon (mine still hasn't and I'm as out as you are) but she will have to deal with it. We're here if you need to rant/vent. Do not let her words get to you. (*hug*)
Thank you so much. The overwhelming love and support I am getting here is absolutely amazing. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you. (&&&) (*hug*)
Problem: You tried to explain you are allowed to "play" around with your looks. Solution: I will dress how I feel comfortable, you can make my life as miserable as you want, but I will do what makes me happy. Makeup: Don't make excuses for yourself. You can and will be whoever you want, she needs to live her own life and stop trying to live through yours. It doesn't matter who wears makeup and who doesn't... You don't want to and you don't need to explain it. If you tell your mother you are "questioning" your identity. She will talk you down. It's a fad, it's a trend, it's a phase. If you tell her you are transitioning, that is what you are doing. You know something no one else does. When you go against someone's fear, you have to go 100%. Your mother just needs to understand the truth that you are not telling her... She doesn't know you. She only thinks she does.
But the thing is, I am just experimenting. I feel like I could be trans* but I'm not sure. I want to do these things to see if being a boy makes me more comfortable and happy.
