Hey everyone, I'm feeling a bit better since I last posted, still depressed to a certain extent but manageable. I'm back on here because I still have no idea who/what I am. When I was really depressed, I was looking through the net and stumbled on transgender and that's when things started to get out of control. It was all I could focus on, I was looking it up everyday trying to figure out if I was or If I wasn't, and I still think about it a fair bit, trying to figure it out. Thinking that I might be trans freaks me out quite honestly, I don't want to transition and I don't know if I'm in denial or if this is just OCD - Looking back, I've experienced OCD a fair bit in the past. I've never really accepted that I'm gay and I don't know if I think I'm trans because I want to escape the whole gay thing or what and it's doing my head in. I guess what makes me think I might be trans, is that I don't feel very masculine, and I've never really hung out with the boys so much. A lot of my friends are girls, and I have a few 'feminine' qualities, especially my taste in music and movies - and to be honest it depresses me because I don't have the same tastes as other guys. I used to really like going to the gym, bulking up so to speak and getting muscles but now I'm not sure if I should keep doing that or if I need to transition or what, I keep arguing with myself all the time. I'd type a whole essay here, but I don't want to bore anyone, If anyone can help out by asking questions, that would be awesome. Completely at a loss right now and not sure what to do. Thanks,
Well there are different types of Trans. Genderqueer is one of those where you don't conform to the binary distinctions of gender. Even if this isn't you it shouldn't bother you who you spend most of your time with or what you like to do with you free time. You are who you are and NO ONE has the right to tell you what you should be like or judge you for it.
if you indeed are transgender, you don't have to transition. many trans people transition to make themselves feel more comfortable and get the body they want, but you definitely don't ever have to transition. do what makes you most comfortable
You might have a look at this: Am I Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender? The transgender spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, to taking hormones, to srs. Of course the list is not all possible options. It's up to you to collect further information... You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want. I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision... There is no only one right way to do this. Its your choice what you want to do...
I think this is something that only you can decide, but if you don't want to transition, I'm assuming your more genderqueer than trans. I think it will help if you come to terms with your homosexuality, and begin to accept that as a part of you before seeing if your gender identity is something you still feel uncomfortable with. In the end, it really is all you, and you are who you are. It's important to accept yourself for that
