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"Not trans enough"

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by itsAli, Aug 28, 2014.

  1. itsAli

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    I've found recently I feel less dysphoric and more feminine when I'm around people who accept that I'm transgender, I don't feel like I have to present as a binary masculine male I can choose not to wear my binder without being dysphoric, yet when I'm around people who don't accept me, I have to dress and present as a binary male because they make me uncomfortable and dysphoric. And now I'm scared that the people I've come out to will think I'm lying or "not trans enough" because of it.
     
  2. wanderinggirl

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    There are effeminate guys out there besides you, not every male is super manly right?
     
  3. Kai LD

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    I worry about this too. That rather than being myself naturally I should be somehow amping up the specific patterns and behaviors implied in binary identifications. Very good topic...
     
  4. Kasey

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    Around my friends who know my birth sex, I'm very masculine. I don't even attempt to hide my voice. Why bother? They know me. They accept me as a person. It's in public I try to act overly feminine.

    And I'll just say...

    There's no such thing as "trans enough". You are who you are.
     
  5. Linthras

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    While probably not a 100% equivalent I think just about any LGBT person may experience something similar.
    I.e. not being gay, lesbian, bisexual etc. enough.
    Bisexuals are still being erased often enough, but even those who initially accept you're bi or pan might still start to doubt you once you have a steady relationship with one specific gender.

    It all comes down to stereotyping which humans love to do keep things simple.
    My advice, cheesy and cliche it might be, is be yourself.
    You are the only person you have any responsbility to in matters like these. There's no transgender members card that's going to be taken away just because you don't conform to X, Y or Z.
     
  6. Raatox

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    Oh, I recognize this!
    When I tried passing as male I felt I really had to present all male and dysphoria got worse beccause I felt I couldn't keep up with the cis-guys. But since I accepted that I can present female and still identify as male it's much easier because I simply do what feels right for me at that very moment. When I feel like presenting male I do it, when I feel like presenting more female I do that and mosty I simply mix. That is how I deal with being trans, I think everyone must find their own way and which one you choose doesn't affect if you actually are trans or not. In my opinion at least.

    And try not to worry so much about what others think, you are the most important person in your life and your happiness is the only thing you can actually affect.
     
  7. itsAli

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    I love flower crowns and just feel like a gay peter pan, and my hair is redder than a coke can, but my mum is one of those people who believe, if you're not sterotypically something, then you obviously can't be that thing, and it's really annoying, I have to act binaristic male around her because otherwise she won't take me seriously
     
  8. jay777

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    There is something like a core... which in my case is more female...
    you don't have to act all of the time like being male, maybe you could tell her that?

    And its one of the gifts of being trans to have some understanding of both positions...
    so its your personal piece of art how live with that, if you want to...

    Maybe you could tell her that there are many nuances... and that she herself probably also has things she does she would not regard only female... or things she would have liked to act out, if she's honest :slight_smile:
     
  9. Raatox

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    ALi:
    You're not alone: "but you knit, and you like guys, and you don't love soccer..."Just give her time, I guess.

    (*hug*)
     
  10. Groosenator

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    This is really something I can relate to. It's something I myself have been struggling with and one of the biggest sources of my self doubt. I'm glad to hear all this feedback from the other members though. I feel reassured too.
     
  11. itsAli

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    When I told my dad he told me "You're too soft to be a boy"
    When I move out I can dress and act how I want, but whilst around them I have to either act extremely male so they understand, or even the slightest bit of female and they think I've grown out of it
     
  12. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Yeah I don't consider myself very masculine, my personality and interests are all pretty balanced or androgynous. My mom was confused when I came out and asked if this meant I still liked the same stuff as before and I had to explain to her that I was a guy, just not a very macho/masculine guy
     
  13. I think the reason people have a difficult time understanding who are not trans is because you state that mentally, you identify as a male despite biology. When you act feminine, they assume you are feeling and presenting as feminine, and they can't differentiate how you could be male with feminine biology and behaviors, when you stated you're mentally male. I get what you mean though, this is something I grapple with; I've always acted naturally masculine, but sometimes when I do something feminine, like cross my leg, people take notice. If they're not in your head, they likely won't understand, but that doesn't mean you aren't male.
     
  14. Entrian

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    I have an awful time with this, especially being Nonbinary, and my Mom is the same way. It sucks because obviously this isn't something cis people have to deal with. There are tons of cis tomboys or effeminate guys but no one cares unless you're trans, because OBVIOUSLY you can't be a trans guy and still enjoy wearing dresses or baking (god forbid!). But no it sucks and there's really nothing you can do other than wait for time to change them and stick around people who don't think like that.