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What if I'm just trans?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Wuggums47, Aug 28, 2014.

  1. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    For a long time I've been thinking I was genderqueer, but the more I think about it the more I might be transgendered. Lately my discontent with my mostly male wardrobe and male-ish body has been getting more severe. I feel more and more like I want to start taking female hormones, and lately I've kind of been wondering if that makes me a woman or not. All I know is that if I am a woman, I'm a tomboy and occasional drag king. I took the Cogiati test and scored a 235, the test said that means I'm probably a transexual. I'm just not sure what to think anymore. I think I'm mostly feminine, but I'm not sure if I'm 100% a woman. How can I figure this out? I know I'd much rather be a woman than a man, but I'm not sure if that means I'm a woman or not. What do you all think? The only thing I'm not sure about is it seems like what I think my gender is keeps switching around and I don't know how to figure it out for good.
     
  2. Kai LD

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    There is no definitional state, emotionally/mentally speaking, that says, yes once you've reached this threshold you're a woman or are allowed to call yourself one. You are what you are. That is a hard idea, but it doesn't make it untrue. I struggle with it all the time.
     
  3. Kasey

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    I dunno about coagiati test...

    But you go through an evolution. I used to tell myself I'm genderfluid or bigender etc. I came to the realization I want to be (and as far as I am concerned, am) a transgender female. Only you can define what you are.

    And it takes a long time to find yourself.

    Also... read the "trans enough" post.
     
  4. Wuggums47

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    Thanks. One more thing I'd like to add is that being perceived as male makes me feel dysphoric, and I like it when I get mistaken for female, which is almost all of the time.
     
  5. Kai LD

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    Jealousssss..... Can't wait for my hair to be past my shoulders again.
     
  6. Wuggums47

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    Yeah, I have it super easy to be honest, in a way I almost hope I am trans because of how easy I pass. Once I went out in a mens dress shirt and tie with hair that could reasonably be seen as male and I still got mistaken for female. I think it's because my meds mimic female hormones, I have long eyelashes and a mostly feminine expression.
     
  7. HappyGirlLucky

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    To me it sounds like you're trying to convince us to convince you that you're female. This is a tactic I used (subconsciously) a lot when I was in the process of coming out to myself. I just wanted a definite answer, because you take on a lot of responsibility by starting hormone therapy.

    This doesn't mean that I think you are a woman, just chipping in here. Ultimately it's up to you to decide what you want to do. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Gen

    Gen
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    Being perceived as male makes you feel dysphoric, or being perceived as a man? Is it the biological qualities of yourself that make you uncomfortable or the implications that come along with them? The difference between the two can drastically change the situation.
     
  9. itsAli

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    Yes, this happened to me
    I identified as genderfluid for a couple of years, then after a while my dysphoria started getting worse and I'd start having more 'guy days' and after a while I realised I was transgender. When I was in the process of coming out, I knew i was transgender, but I was scared to admit it, so I told other people my situation and in my posts/when I talked, looking back now I can see I was trying to convince them that I was so they could tell me so I didn't have to come to the scary conclusion myself.
    Whatever you are, it's okay, it can be scary, but you have us to help and support you
     
  10. Kasey

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    I think a lot of us are echoing the same thing... and wiggy baby you aren't the first or last to feel this way.
     
  11. Hexagon

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    I'm both. You can be too. Join us. We have cookies difficulties expressing ourselves.
     
  12. Wuggums47

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    To be honest, it's both. I hate it when someone says something like "what a nice young man you are" Because I'm not. I don't want to be a man. Masculinity in general confuses me. Who cares if your car can go fast if you still need to go the speed limit? Why would someone want to be macho? I just don't really get it much. But at the same time, I don't even want to be male either. I don't like my body, and I frequently worry that as I'm losing more weight I'll look more masculine, or maybe my voice will finally change at 18. The only thing that's really tripping me up is that once in a blue moon, even though my thoughts of my gender don't change, I really like to dress up like a guy, especially in a 1950s kind of fashion. Most of the time that would make me feel bad though. Also I'm a bit more androgynous than most women I know. I have a quite a few stereotypically male traits, although I think that's a result of my aspbergers which in many ways is like having an extremely exaggeratedly male brain.
     
  13. Kasey

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    Difficult cookies?
     
  14. Kai LD

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    If it isn't a difficult cookie it probably isn't worth eating. :lol:
     
  15. HappyGirlLucky

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    I also took the COGIATI test, and several silly "brain gender" tests, just to convince myself. Eventually I'd get one that said I have a male brain, proceed to get upset and go do several more just to "prove" that I don't have a male brain. I did realize they were silly quizzes, but I still didn't like being told I'm male by them. When I got a "female brain" result, it felt really good to get gendered correctly. I first got a category 4 result on the COGIATI and got upset because it wasn't a 5, because I felt like I was told I'm not quite female or "trans enough". I hit the back button and filled it in again, until it gave me a score I liked and felt was still me. I played a lot of mind games with myself like this until I came to accept myself.

    Like Ali said; whatever you are it's OK to be that and you have support here. :slight_smile:

    Edit:
    Lots of new posts while I'm posting as usual, I'm so slow!

    If you're worried about your voice changing or your body becoming more masculine, you could always go on anti-androgens until you figure out what you want to do with your life. That way you can still let it change later if you decide you want a masculine voice by stopping them.

    Edit #2:
    I think lots of people have interests and hobbies that don't align with their gender, but they are afraid of acting on them (or only do it in private) because it's easier to conform to assigned gender roles.
     
    #15 HappyGirlLucky, Aug 28, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2014
  16. jay777

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    You might have a look at this:
    Am I Transgender or Transsexual - Teens Wonder Am I Transgender or Transsexual

    The transgender spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, to taking hormones, to srs.
    Of course the list is not all possible options.
    It's up to you to collect further information...
    You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want.

    I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision...
    There is no only one right way to do this.
    Its your choice what you want to do...
     
  17. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    Leryous, that's a really good idea. While I get this figured out I should probably try to prevent any further changes.
     
  18. HappyGirlLucky

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    I'm glad you found that idea useful. I would like to add that most experience minor feminization of the body from Spironolactone alone, including breast growth. In rare cases the breast growth can be very significant, even.

    You'll want to read this as well:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spironolactone#Side_effects
     
  19. Fallingdown7

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    I think It's something only you realize. If you're uncomfortable having a male body and being referred to as a man, that's definitely dysphoria. If you're unsure because you might have masculine qualities or interests, I don't think that means anything because there are masculine and tomboyish trans women too.
     
  20. Minnie

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    Being "feminine" doesn't necessarily equate to being a woman. So, feminine women are no more women than tomboys.