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Help-coming out transman later in life

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Riley33, Aug 28, 2014.

  1. Riley33

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nashville, TN
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hello everyone. Needing some help today. Ive been very anxious all day and I sure could use some back up. Im 32 yrs old, soon to be 33, just a few months ago I told my girlfriend I was trans. I got the best support I could ever hope for in her and im thankful everyday I have the chance to be everything she deserves. However, back to the reason im here, I have a career, hopefully I will still have it next week too. I am stressing over how to tell my grandparents who are 80 & 81 and more importantly my employer. I work for a county sheriff department as a 911 operator and police and fire dispatcher. I have no face to face contact with the public, but I live in TN and im concerned I may get fired when I tell people who I really feel I am. Im going to start my full transition, change my name, and start my "T" as soon as I get this done. So far the people I have told have been very supportive and I suppose it didnt really come as a shock. I could use some advice and a little courage. If any of you could help me id greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much for being here.
     
  2. Daydreamer1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,680
    Likes Received:
    21
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Coming out can be pretty intense, but you never know the reactions you'll get. They might be really surprising. My fiance, when we were still friends beforehand, was surprised and simply said "You too?" with the biggest smile.

    This youtuber, Charles, made a video with his grandmother who is in her 90s and from Iraq. Her answer made me smile.

    [YOUTUBE]a-IKFguigr4[/YOUTUBE]

    With your employer, I see it the same way with the previous statement. Responses can be surprising. What's the old saying, um, "hope for the best, prepare for the worst"? If something happens, you could probably take it to the papers or a group like the ACLU. I'm not familiar with laws in your state or city, so my apologizes. With coming out to your grandparents, if you aren't seeing a gender therapist yet; maybe they can help you come up with a game plan for coming out to them--if you choose to.

    Also, if you need help looking for therapists, here is a link you can check out:

    Nashville Transsexual Clients Therapist - Transsexual Clients Therapist Nashville, Davidson County, Tennessee (TN) - Transsexual Clients Counseling Nashville

    There's also using google if all else fails. If they don't take your insurance, give them a call and see if they updated their list or they work with a sliding scale. My therapist doesn't carry my insurance just yet, but we work on a sliding scale of about $25 a session ($20-$40 for morning; $60 for night).

    I started the coming out process (with myself and others) since 2010. Looking back, it was really scary, like a massive rollercoaster ride. School took a toll on my anxiety, and I almost dropped out because of it. But once I came out after graduation, I felt so much better. The responses I did get were nothing but acceptance and love. I got a heartfelt message from a classmate who said if I need anyone to talk to, she was there and she was proud I had the courage to be bold and out there. I came out to another classmate in his comment section on a video where he himself came out as gay. I forgot about it until maybe a month ago when he messaged me and we talked for a bit. It took us both by surprise how we really weren't alone after all; since our school really wasn't the best place to be.

    Despite all of this, I can't find much to say in the courage department. For me, I found a lot if it in trans youtubers who gave me hope in a brighter future and now, more than ever, I've never been more determined to get off of the ground. I might have my first job where I don't have to be in the closet, I'm happily engaged and my support group has always been on the defense when transphobia comes about. Taking the first step is always the hardest, but things get easier after that.

    Keep your head up, Riley.

    [YOUTUBE]91iXRMkmFbs[/YOUTUBE]