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Should I wait?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Nychthemeron, Sep 3, 2014.

  1. Nychthemeron

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    I came out to my mother earlier this year. Since then, she really hasn't said anything about it, and whenever I bring it up, she gets really upset.

    I'm really tired of her telling me to "stop laughing like a boy" (?) and to "not think so much", but I'm also trying to be considerate. I know how hard it is to switch perceptions of your child - how hard it is to accept that your son is actually your daughter, or vice versa.

    My question is, though, should I just let it be and bring it up when I actually have a chance to do something and not be passed off as "too young", or should I continue to confront her about it so she will get used to it?

    If I should confront her, what should I tell her?
     
  2. stormborn

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    i think tell her what you posted here: that you don't like it when she says those things, that you are aware of how hard it is for parents, that you aren't too young. i think being open and explaining exactly what you want, and what makes you uncomfortable is best.
     
  3. Nychthemeron

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    Ugh. I don't know. I don't know which one of us is wrong. Am I forcing this on her? Am I being too harsh? Or is she being intolerant and unsympathetic?

    We just got in a fight and I don't want to talk to her right now, and I'm afraid, one day, my relationship with her will be ruined. I don't want that to happen. But I don't know what to do. She always passes it off. Never takes me seriously. I don't know if I can take it. I don't know if I can do this.
     
  4. Snidi

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    She is the one being intolerant and unsympathetic, definitely, so you are not wrong by any means to want to be treated the way you are. Unfortunately, many parents aren't prepared for anything like this. So it's very unsteady ground to tread, dealing with a parent who doesn't sympathize. :/ Especially if you are financially reliant on them.
     
  5. Hexagon

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    Continue to confront her. It is hard to come to terms with one's child's gender changing. The problem is that the difficulties won't go away if you allow your mother time. It won't change anything. "You're too young" is one of many excuses, and if you wait till you're older, she'll only find another. The point is that she won't change unless you give her reason to. Only by being who you truly are, every day, by challenging her when she's intolerant and inconsiderate, by insisting she treat you well, will you make her change. If you don't, she'll only convince herself that it was a phase, or that your feelings aren't sincere.

    As for what to say, I doubt one conversation will change her. It's a gradual process of coming to terms with your transition. But you've got to start somewhere. I've seen you write about your feelings regarding your mother around the forums, so tell her something like that. Watered down a bit, but tell her the truth. What you really feel, why her behaviour is wrong, and what you expect from her. She won't meet those expectations right away, but it gives you some ground. When she fails to meet those expectations, remind her. Don't make her feel too bad, but also don't let her think that she can behave however she wants without hurting you.
     
  6. Nychthemeron

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    Ah, truthfully, I think we're both at fault. Maybe I'm not masking it enough. I know it's bad to bottle it in, but this isn't bad. It's just become something I feel once in a while. There's really nothing she or I can do about it. But thank you.

    Thanks, Hexagon. You make a good point. I'll consider talking to her after school, then. I hope it goes well.
     
  7. birdking

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    You're being yourself. Hiding your true self from others, just so they're more comfortable, is by no means your responsibility.

    She'll protest a lot at first, but eventually she will start to see that this is who you are. And that there's no way of changing that.

    Stay strong.
     
  8. Nychthemeron

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    Thanks. Didn't talk to her after school that day, but... maybe when I have to, I will. Perhaps I'm making excuses, but the though makes me nervous, anyway. :lol: