I've just recently started identifying as genderqueer, and now that I'm back at school, it's really difficult. I English we keep talking about antecedent and pronoun agreement and we have to use "his or her" instead of "their" and it really bothers me. In Spanish, we were using pictures of people from magazines to describe people's clothing and we were supposed to use our own clothing sizes to do that. The teacher gave the boys pictures of guys and the girls had pictures of girls. So she gives me my picture, and there's a girl wearing a skirt and a top. I had no idea how to go about this because I don't wear girl clothes. So I kinda held off participating and I tried talking to my teacher at the end of class, but it became very awkward and I couldn't manage to get my point across to her. I was tempted to just switch the picture for one of a male, but I was worried that I'd be judged for it and my anxiety just made me sick. I also somehow have a boyfriend even though I'm not attracted to guys. I love him because he's nice, but I don't really want to kiss him but it does feel nice being close to him but not nearly as good as it feels being with a girl. And I don't wanna break up with him but half the time I feel uncomfortable and confused and then he makes me feel like a girl and I don't like it. My head is spinning with all these stupid thoughts and it's making me want to hurt myself and I feel stupid and embarrassed and I have no idea how to get past it.
In relation to classes, talk to a pastoral care teacher or someone who deals with personal issues - just keep talking to people until you find someone who not only understands but also cares and will try to help you. As for your boyfriend - do you want to be in a relationship with him? If you don't it's not fair on either of you. I've spent months being with a guy and feeling pretty much every day because I didn't think I wanted to be with him. Don't make the same mistake I did. You can reduce your anxiety by eliminating what you know to be a problem. It's so much easier to progress once they're out the way and you can give yourself time to reflect and think.
I do, but it's just frustrating with those who don't understand. I think I want to be with him. I'm not sure tbh. And I don't know how to eliminate my problems and I'm just so overwhelmed.
