So, when I moved out to my new city, no one knew me so I didn't reveal that I was trans to the new people I met (why would I? It's not their business). But, it seems that I'm not so unattractive after all, and a guy I got friends with fell in love with me in a month. Taken aback, I had little time to make a choice. Either I told him I'm trans and get a chance of starting a relationship, or I say no from the get go and nobody knows anything. I chose the first option, and of course, he's not interested anymore. But, after I told him, he still continued to flirt with me online, which confused me. He then said that it wasn't happening, so he wondered what I was talking about. I told him to be very careful around that kind of behavior, because I can fall back into depression easily (Hell, I told myself I wouldn't pursue love anymore, but then he barges in, gives me false hope, then tease me? What the hell???). Now, yesterday's conversation was terrible. He basically asked me my birth name. I told him I couldn't tell him that, saying as it can be used as a weapon against me. He basically told me that if I didn't tell him, he wouldn't be friends with me anymore (It was over text, so I don't know how serious he was). I asked him why he wanted to know, and he just said that he wanted to know everything about me. Then, he told me that it can't be worse than sending nude pictures (which he did slightly after I told him I'm trans). I sorta agreed with that, so I gave him to pieces to find it so I wouldn't have to write it myself. Then, when he found it, he teased me with it by writing at least 5 times in our convo. I quickly dismissed the name as a joke, but he didn't see it yet. What the hell is he doing? Does he want me to be depressed? Is he angry at me? How can someone go from love to that?
That is completely unacceptable behavior, and you need to let him know that if you still want to give him a chance. He did tell you that a relationship wasn't happening, and I know how hard it is to let go when someone's sending you mixed messages, but he's pretty much playing with you at this point. Take the no as a no, and don't let him mess you up, being trans is hard enough without jerks giving you hope and taking it away constantly. If someone did that to me, I'd not take it as teasing but as an act of deliberate aggression and let them know that, then never speak to the person ever again. He's an asshole who doesn't care that he constantly hurts you, and you deserve way better! Please take care of yourself, and don't let others play with your heart! You'll find someone who actually cares about your feelings. (*hug*)
Thanks. I'll let him know firmly that if he wants to be friends, he needs to stop joking with that. The thing is, I didn't have feelings for him until he tried to have a relationship with me (I pass as a cis guy without any problem). I'll still try to make things work for a friendship because I know no one in the city, and he was a pretty good friend before all of that. I'll be seeing a psychologist right now.
That sounds like a good plan. If he can change and start treating you with respect as a friend, there's no need to throw away a good friendship.
Especially since he started doing this like a few days ago and that I'm the first trans person he ever met. He probably doesn't know how hard it is. I haven't had time to educate him yet.
Be strong and stop talking to the dickhead. He doesn't deserve to be friends with you. I would have never even told him my birthname if I were you
So, I talked to him and he said that he didn't think he was being rude to me and that he thought I was teasing him, too. (Why I hate texts in a sentence) I asked him if he valued the friendship and he said yes, so he said he'd stop with it. Though, I wonder if he still has feelings for me because I'm literally the only person he hangs out with and he preaches about me to whoever wants to hear it. (That was even after I told him I'm trans. I don't understand anything anymore :\ ) Well, I decided to just let the topic go until he brings it up again. (Which will surely happen).
That was a good response. You don't owe it to anyone to educate about trans issues, but if you're willing to deal with him and he listens that's great. You could link him to some material for him to read if you feel like it. Here's a few basic ones: How to Respect a Transgender Person: 9 Steps (with Pictures) Ten Things Not to Say to a Trans Person If he actually cares, that'll be one less transphobic person in the world. It's still not your duty to teach him if you don't want to. As for whether he still has feelings for you, he probably does. Romantic feelings don't go away because someone sports different equipment, but sexual attraction can. He's probably just as confused as you are right now about this whole situation, but as long as he listens when you tell him he's being an asshole, the friendship has a chance. Just remember that you deserve to be treated with respect like any other human being.
Thanks for the links, but if I do educated him, it'll have to be in French because he's nowhere near my level in English xD.
