I hate the power my parents have at the moment. I hate that I can't do things to my body to make me happy. I can cut and dye my hair, but that's it. I can't change my name, I can't go to the doctors to start going down the transitioning path, I can't expect them to gender me correct me, I can't get them to stop using my birth name, I can't do anything to lessen the dysphoria at the moment. I'm stuck in a transition rut and I would do anything to move it forward, even change my name at college, but as soon as I do that, and a letter gets sent home with my new name, my parents would get annoyed, and I'm scared to annoy them. I don't want to annoy my parents, I just want to be happy, and I just want them to still be happy with me, still be proud of me. I'm still the same person who got the good grades they cared about, I'm still the same person who did the volunteer work. I'm still the same person who has done everything they've wanted. I just want to do something for me for once. It doesn't make me a different person, just a different gender. When I move out, then I'll be happy.
I know the feeling, though I personally don't care about what they think, I came out to my mom and she is in total denial, she refuses to even TRY to acknowledge the fact I'm not a girl... I don't want to repeat the stuff I told her before (though, then I was confused, now I am certain of my gender, and could probably tell her more straightforward and a lot better), because she was crying and stressed out and it was all so fucking annoying. I'd rather not deal with all that emotional shit.
I hear you about moving out, except i have different reasons...all i can say is that you have a big family here who all care for you *hugs* Maybe you could see a Councillor? Medical/mental issues are confidential!
