One day, soon hopefully, I will change my name to Ray. I'm sure everyone here who is transgender or some other gender has a mental picture of themselves, of who you really are. One of my greatest pains is not having others see this person, this true guy I really am. It's all I can ever do, all day long I daydream and I can be me inside my imagination. I feel so good when I can unite with my male self. I make up even the most simple or casual stories in my head with my true self in them, and I can't stop. It's somewhat getting in the way of me doing homework. I feel it's the only place I can be somewhat happy and truly me, and others will never be able to see that I fear. It's amazing by how so much, looks can be deceiving. So what about you guys? I was wondering how often you daydream about your mental self, if you do? .
All the time, whenever i think about myself it is how i want to be not how i am now, and i probably spend more time daydreaming than anything else lol.
All the time, especially at school. It's a really weird feeling, and one I don't think anyone without gender troubles could understand. And I can relate to name troubles. Patrick is big and clunky and way too boyish. Everytime someone says it, it reminds me of all my insecurities. Too bad name changes are around $400 where I live. /:
I never realized how much I did this until I started to see the effects of T. Once I started passing socially as male, a lot of this went away.
I try to imagine myself the way I want to be, or even something close to it that I feel happy with it and it helps sometimes. I'll feel a lot better when I move out of here and get my legal issues sorted one way or another because then I can make some real progress on myself.
Ray suits you I'm drawing a comic where there is a couple of characters that you could consider my ideal of masculinity, but they are just that : Ideals. They are tall, got broad shoulders, light colored eyes, etc... I enjoy the drawing of their bodies as much as I enjoy creating their personal story, including flaws, fears, etc... So far, it has been a fun, very rewarding process. This year I had no official holidays on the beach and all that, but sure it was a very good summer :icon_bigg I guess this is like daydreaming in a way... Even if I never spend too long before I draw, the ideas just flow naturally. I was amazed by how quick the characters and the story developed. Sure there was something there waiting to come out Right now I'm just dealing with important RL stuff, so I'm not spending much time around pencils, which is depressing when you are as creative as I am...
I don't really daydream about who I want to be... More like daydreaming about who I am and how I hate it. I should probably make the goal Me in my head, that would be a healthier thing to daydream about.
I do daydream about what I call my future self. All the time. I've transitioned with hormones and had top surgery. And I'm much happier... Singing with my deep voice, not worrying about hiding boobs. I'm exactly how I feel I should be. But yeah. In real life, I'm not. Sucks.
When I look at my current avatar, that's what I want to look like all the time. That picture of me is beautiful and I feel wonderful in it. That's how I want others to see me. And as far as names go? Mine is unisex. Even if I never get SRS (which I can live without) I do want feminizing hormones for that extra ability to pass. I'm ok as it is but, you know.
It was only recently that I realised any time I was day dreaming I thought of myself as male. I can completely imagine what I want to look like and how I want to be. If I'm even partly like that in the end it'll make all the struggling worthwhile. Suppose thinking of it gives me a bit of hope and takes me away from reality.
Enough, is probably the best answer. Sometimes I think about it for a few minutes, sometimes a hour or two. Sometimes, I even meditate on/about it. It just sort of depends, on what is going on, or if certain triggers occur.
