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Dysphoria really sucks...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by CuddleBunny, Sep 13, 2014.

  1. CuddleBunny

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    My life has it's ups and downs, but it seems like when I find even a moment of true happiness, Dysphoria has to come rearing it's ugly head and remind me that my life will never be what I truly want it to be, and I will never be able to be the person I know I truly am.

    As I have no intent to Transition, I fear that even if I try to just be myself and do the things I want to do regardless of Gender norms, I will always be judged and tormented by ignorant people who can't understand what it's like to desperately want something you know in your heart is right but to everyone else is wrong and abnormal. I never chose to be the way I am and I shouldn't have to be punished by society for it. This is why I am out to so very few people, I have seen and heard of so much tragedy and unfairness towards Transfolk and I feel like any semblance of happiness I still have left will be completely taken away from me and I will never be able to live anything resembling a normal life ever again.

    I don't want to be strange or weird or different, I just want to be a Girl. People will never see me as what I am, only what I appear to them as. I kills me to know that I will have to deal with this forever.
     
    #1 CuddleBunny, Sep 13, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2014
  2. Nychthemeron

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    Forever? Maybe not.

    Trans folk have come a long way since a few years ago, and we're not stopping. It'll get better.

    To share something cool, my cousin said this:

    "There were two people at my restaurant. They looked like really burly men, but they were wearing dresses and everything. I didn't know what to call them, but I eventually I just called them 'miss' and 'ma'am' instead of 'mister' and 'sir'."

    She can't possibly be the only one! Even though she didn't ID them as female, she still respected their identity and decided to go the safe way and call them by female terms.

    So don't give up. It'll get better. :slight_smile: (*hug*)
     
  3. And

    And
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    I'm also hoping there's going to be a huge leap forward on the way society sees gender over the next few years. I think perceptions are starting to change, and there's a long way to go, but I'd like to think things are going to get better too. Stories like that are really encouraging.
     
  4. RayXxx

    RayXxx Guest

    I very much understand what you mean, that's is why I'm out to hardly anybody. I can't stand the thought of not ever being fully able to become myself. I feel as if people will not take me seriously and will never see the true man I am. I'm sick of being called female pronouns because they feel like insults that stabb my already wounded emotions.

    My best advice is to come out to people as who you are, and not care about what they think. I know that's easier said than done, and you may face those people who are rude or disrespectful, but it's better than hiding inside your body walking under the shadow of somone you're not your whole life.
     
  5. ctrl alt delete

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    In my limited experience of coming out people are generally accepting but they don't seem to understand what I'm saying. It's like I'm coming out that I'm a zombie or something.

    I guess people just aren't used to questioning gender and don't realise how deep the roots run. It's not like putting on or taking off a jacket.

    But I think that the people I've told have tried to find out more and there is more and more compassion for trans issues. There's some good films now and there's been a few celebrity transitions. Ireland isn't famous for being open minded but even here theres some sort of understanding I'm finding.

    Whats florida like? Is it very conservative about lgbt stuff?
     
  6. CuddleBunny

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    It's like most anywhere else, at least in my general area. People generally seem to be ignorant of what it is to be Trans and ignore their existence in general. I feel like alot of people view Trans people as Drag Queens or Gays with a fetish for role playing as the opposite sex. This type of view in general is exactly why I am afraid to come out to most people. Even people I love and trust may not fully understand and I can't bear the thought of losing the few people in my life who care about me.

    I feel like a lot of attention is being put on Homosexuality lately and people are starting to become a lot more accepting, but you rarely ever hear anything about Trans people except for an occasional news story every once in awhile. People still don't seem to get it and I feel like I'm trapped in a corner by not being able to express my feelings without fear of rejection and hatred.

    Lately I feel like my Dysphoria has gotten worse, to the point where I just don't want to do anything. I have no motivation to do anything anymore, and I spend countless hours just sleeping because all I can think about when I'm awake is how miserable I am. I used to fantasize about my future when I was younger and what my life would be like, but now I can't even picture any future. I feel like I will never have a family of my own and will always be alone forever.

    I sometimes feel like the only thing that has stopped me from the consideration of taking my own life is that I have lost a loved one to suicide before and I know hoe awful it feels to lose someone that way. I would never want to put my family or friends through that again so basically I feel like I have no choice but to continue living a miserable life. Sure, there are things that I am grateful for in my life, but I am far, far from real Happiness.
     
  7. YuriBunny

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    That's pretty cool! ^.^
     
  8. Princess Danica

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    I can relate to this a little, mostly about not having any motivation to do anything. I'm slowly gathering clothes for some crossdressing, and my hair is growing out and I'm learning makeup, but I'm not very motivated to actually transition because of some things you said in the original post and in this post.

    I always get a little motivation whenever I see a really pretty girl in public, especially if she's wearing a tank top, shorty shorts, has a cute little purse and stuff, because I think "that, that is my inner self in the flesh", but just after getting motivation from that, I get sad and depressed knowing that my transition results most likely wouldn't turn out as well as I would hope, and that I'll probably never find a man to be with outside a god awful tranny chaser...

    So, I feel your pain (*hug*)
     
  9. ctrl alt delete

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  10. JessicaWolfess

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    Dysphoria is a real killer.....Literally. This month my life has pretty much done a complete 180 as I found out and accepted I am a girl. But it hasn't come without emotions; The most severe depression I have ever felt, constanly just wanting to lock my door hide under my blanket and cry, not even being able to look at myself in the mirror anymore, constantly feeling like there are fingers pointing at me laughing and calling me a freak and that I'll never be a real woman. I was mostly fine till recently, but I'd be lying if I haven't considered suicide once or twice. I cannot come out to my parents, I'm sure they will be supportive (although my dad may just tolerate it) but I still cannot do it. I want to start hormone therapy so badly but I don't know where to go or who to see.
     
  11. swan32145

    swan32145 Guest

    The best advice I've ever been given is that all pain is temporary. This statement obviously doesn't apply to ALL pain, but the concept makes sense sense in this context. I haven't transitioned either, and while my dysphoria is not nearly as disabling as it is for others, I'm fully aware of the amount of distress it causes.
    For example, I can't masturbate. It seems strange to bring up, but there it is. I get depressed about it, sometimes even suicidal, but I always remind myself of that simple thing. Eventually if I try hard enough I'll be the person I am on the inside.
    It's as my mother would put it. "It's all about the fight." See, our dysphoria is perceived as the source of our troubles while we often forget the source of the dysphoria itself: THE IDENTITY WE HAVE, ALWAYS HAVE HAD, AND ALWAYS WILL HAVE. Don't focus on the dysphoria, focus instead on your identity, not the person you wish to be, but the person you ARE.
    Who you wish to become is the person you always were, and don't forget that.
    Also, note, that society isn't really so judgmental as people often perceive. I came out to over a hundred people on my college campus a few weeks ago, and not one person has reacted negatively. Friends from my high school actually like me more sense learning this about me, regardless of their gender. I'm not saying there aren't prejudice people out there, there definitely are, but prejudiced is viewed as being worse than almost anything else in America. A person isn't going to act on prejudiced, or they will likely face some pretty harsh criticisms themselves.