I've been in scouts since I was really really little, and I used to have a lot of fun. Lately though, as I've been discovering myself and who I want to be, I've been feeling more and more uncomfortable there. I'm at the point where I'm crying just thinking about it. My Scoutmasters are very nice usually, but I have heard them say some pretty homophobic things before. Plus, the whole organization is pretty anti-LGBT. I've been lucky enough not to experience much dysphoria over all, but wearing the uniform makes me realize everything I HATE about my body. I'm only a year away from getting Eagle, which my mom fully expects me to get, even after coming out to her as agender. How do I explain all this to her? Please help...:tears:
I'm sorry. I understand this. Are you able to talk to your mother about this? I know you mentioned her, but I mean, are you comfortable with talking to her, or is it difficult to discuss it with her?
I still don't think she quite 'gets it' yet. I've been kind of falling behind so I'm worried she'll just think it's an excuse to get out of it. I've only talked to her about being agender with my psychologist in the room helping. Even then I don't think she got it all.
It sounds like the scouts are a lot different over there. Really, you are seventeen, you have to make it clear that you're uncomfortable going.
Can you bring it up again? Make it very clear that going to Boy Scouts is going to make you extremely uncomfortable. Try to get her to understand how you feel about the body. Which brings me to this... This is also true. You are nearly a legal adult in my country - I'm sure, wherever you are, that you're close too. Even if you weren't agender, you have the right to not go.
I know. But Scouts was always the one thing I was able to do to make them proud. I could never do anything outside school like when I tried to do Karate. Anxiety. I never liked sports, and then there's my goddamn anxiety again, even when I tried. I'm a Junior and I've only just now gathered the courage to join clubs. Even then it's nothing competitive. Journalism and Engineering. I feel like this was one thing I could do to make them proud, but now it's going away. I don't want to give up, but if I don't I'll start going back on all the progress I've finally been able to make and end up back alone in my room afraid of the world.
I get where you're coming from, I used to be a scout too. I stopped after the first year as I realized that it was really not something I enjoyed very much and I was only doing it because I felt like I should.
I don't think this is really 'giving up'. You said that, if you don't do this, you'll end up back in your room and afraid of the world - that will be much harder to get through. You can try telling her that - your mom, that is - or you can try to go through it for another year. Ultimately it's your choice. Just think about what will be the best thing to do. You know yourself better than anyone. (*hug*)
Just remember one thing, it's your life! If you want to get eagle because its what you want, then go for it! But personally i wouldn't put myself in an environment which could potential disown me or put me in danger...
Holy cow, dude. I used to have the same issue. x'ept I'm trans rather than androgynous. When/where I had to go, they were super homophobic and seemed to love their "gender roles". Needless to say, I came up with an excuse to leave far before considering coming out. They care too much about stereotypes there, and need to understand not every physical/biological "male" fits male stereotypes. I used to do things like that, going to boy scouts and baseball to make my father happy. Hate sports with a passion, but I did it for him. Now that I look back at it, I would have had a much better childhood if I would have voiced my opinion more. Sometimes parents just don't understand, and if they aren't willing to listen there's sadly nothing we can do about it. Hopefully your parents are more reasonable than that. If one of your parents is more reasonable than the other, I'd suggest having a private conversation with them about how your interests have changed over the years. If you live to please them, you could develop serious depression. Don't let that happen to you. Do what makes you happy, and hopefully they will understand.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I'm out, I'm done with it, I'm finished. She didn't even ask any questions or need me to go in-depth at all. I'm free from this major source of dysphoria, and I owe a lot of it to you guys. And not just this thread- the entire community. Thank you all for giving me such wonderful advice and encouraging words. I don't think I ever would of gotten the courage without you all. It's amazing what finding like minded people can do to help. Thank you all! (*hug*) <3
We're all family in the LGBTQ community, we have to be to get through the shit we get dealt! So happy we could help, *HUGS*
This made me grin! I am so glad she understood. Kudos to you for speaking up in the first place - I know it's hard to. (*hug*) And, yeah, that's what we're here for! I'm glad we could help.
It's awesome that she understood I'm glad that you were able to get out of something that was causing you so much dysphoria.