Went to a transgender support group and got freaked out.

Well I'm no expert, but it seems like (partly) you may be freaked out because you aren't a transwoman and, from your wording, most (all?) the attendees are. And, the fact that a former friend was there couldn't have helped.

As for the former friend's seeming awkwardness, perhaps she was really quite new to things and hadn't gotten the subtleties of femininity and presentation.

Again, I'm no expert. But I hope something I said makes sense.

 

Have you possibly thought of other opportunities ?
Trans Groups in Ireland : Support : TENI
There are two groups listed in Dublin...

and maybe this ?
Trinity LGBT - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Well my first time at a trans support group, I felt kind of similar. I think like you I was looking for support or some kind of understanding but I didn't find it there. It probably didn't help that there was only 1 trans guy and that there was quite a large age gap between myself and the other members - in both directions! I also think I understand what you're getting at about your former friend. I don't mean to come across as offensive here but I found some of the trans people at the support group rather odd and unnatural. Maybe that's a normal part of the transition process as people begin the journey of learning how to be the other gender? I imagine I must look awkward and odd trying to come across as male but I think I may have ASD so it could just be that.

Perhaps you could try a support group specifically for non-binary people? Although we all fit under the transgender umbrella, being binary or non-binary are very different experiences so maybe you just need to find some people who get where your coming from?

 

If you go to a trans support group, then it might be hard to fit in if they are all transwomen undergoing transition and you're not undergoing transition. They also might not fully understand genderqueer either, but I do think that they would be able to relate in many ways.

Did you try to reach out to your childhood friend and apologize for the past? Seeing you there might have made her uncomfortable, and I think if you can connect with her it might help.

 

It says specifically for students and their friends...

often non students are also accepted, especially if there are no other fitting opportunities in the vicinity...

 

Sorry you felt like am outsider again. I'm sure you'll find your place! Give it time!

 

You know what, looking back, my first trans support group was absolutely not right for me. There were great people there, don't get me wrong. But I was a lot like your friend going in. I was underdressing, meaning that I was wearing my clothes under my boy clothes if you catch my meaning. When there was a bug on the floor, and one of the trans women there jumped up in her chair and started acting over the top freaked out, I was asking if anyone would be bothered if I squished it. A vegan member spoke up and cupped the bug in her hand and put it outside. The three of us were the whole spectrum, from overly feminine to awkwardly feminine. The first friend - and rational or not I felt so guilty when she never came back after that - was just over the top feminine. It's very possible that's how she really is, but it's also possible she, like me, was "learning the ropes", and just had a different approach. I was trying to just let what comes naturally out; I thought "I was an effeminate kid". And just completely overlooking what 20 more years of conditioning had done since I was that kid. Our group's vegan meanwhile was just incredibly comfortable being a woman. Definitely feminine, but hers felt so much more real.

Our group leaders were FtM people, and you would never even know if they didn't tell you. All of them had started on hormones, and I felt so out of place. Every day I went there, partway through, I felt like "why am I here". I mean some of it was good practice in other ways. It was in a building clearly marked as LGBT, so you know, every Wednesday on my college campus in front of everyone I'm walking into the rainbow building, did a lot to help me fight being socially anxious and not caring what people thought about me. And I at least had some practice being me in front of people. But yeah. I think it's important I'm real here. Looking back and without my tendency to always try to say something nice, it was a worthless awkward waste of time. I went because our school therapist recommended it. I think that's why a lot of other people were there. They had a budget of I kid you not $10 for the semester. There were 5 of us if there was a good meeting. It really felt like "okay, we're trans, we're here, now what". We tried talking about stuff. I was the only engineering major there. Our FtM Vet Science major was at least interesting to talk to, but I was too awkward to talk back. Everyone there, I kept trying to find common ground, every now and then I would, but mostly the social sciences people there wanted to talk politics and we were all pretty much just showing up.

I did go to another group that worked, but I only went one time. We played Cards against Humanity in a downtown restaurant. Talk about going from 0 to 90! But there were a lot of us so I felt safe even though I was out in public as myself.

What I learned though is that, you know, we have a problem the whole LGBT community has. Being trans affects everyone. Like everyone everyone. There's doctors, and there's fast food workers, nerds, jocks, everyone. And what do you have in common? You're trans.

There are some things most of us have in common besides. It turns out a lot of us are artistic, and a lot of us get into those wonderful things called computers that always treat you like a person and never judge you on anything but your merits. And we are all cool people because we know what it's like to be on the outside. But past that, you know, the similarities stop. The only advantage you have making friends places like support groups or gay bars, is that you don't have being trans working against you. That's it.

So yeah. You were with a random group of strangers. You were honest with yourself about it not being the right group. All you really can do is roll the dice again, and before that, ask yourself what you want out of those things.

 

excellent answer! It's true let your self come through. I read on here "learning the ropes" for me it has been trying to understand men!!! They expected us to be helpless and it puts them on tilt to see I can change a tire! Women are supposed to be helpless with more than putting gas in cars for example! my mother, a lady,classy lady 1950's high class. She took a automotive class to understand cars and I watched her change the oil in the family car a 1970 Mercury huge station wagon. we had AAA, but no cellphone back then and we got stuck alone all night on a dark highway with a flat tire, so she no longer wanted to be ignorant of automotive basics, it was hilarious! She broke a nail and the world ended! LOL June